Teepa Snow: You've Already Asked Me That!

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You're listening to Aging Today, the podcast where together we explore the options to aging on your terms.

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When I get older, those are my hair, many years from now.

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Will you still be sending me a fountain of time, for they create us out of the wild?

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If I had a kill quarter or three, would you like to do it?

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Will you still be, will you still be when I'm sixty four?

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And now the podcast where together we discuss proactive aging on your terms,

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connecting to the professional advice of our special guests,

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while creating better days throughout the aging process.

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Now here's your host, Mark Turnbull.

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And welcome to Aging Today.

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I want to thank all of our listeners for tuning in every week on Aging Today.

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We have over 200,000 followers that we've been able to reach out to over the past years.

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And I know we're not Joe Rogan or we're not Tepa Snow, but we're on our way.

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And we're just trying to make that impact.

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We want you to know that all of your questions are relevant.

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And we want you to know that we'll get all of the experts on this show

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to answer your questions about aging.

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All you got to do is contact me, your host, Mark Turnbull at mark@agingtoday.us.

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That's Mark with a K at agingtoday.us.

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Well, there's over 55 million people worldwide that are living with dementia.

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And I know many of you have been touched by dementia, either maybe yourself that are living with it in the early stages.

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Maybe you have friends and family.

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And it is no secret that we all need more knowledge and skills to meet the ever-changing needs of our brain as it is changing for people that are living with dementia.

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And to help us along our journey today, we have on agingtoday our guest and dementia expert.

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She is an occupational therapist, a positive, owns a, and the CEO of a positive approach to care program and for training.

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And her name is, I don't even need to say this is, "Tea us no."

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"Tea, welcome to agingtoday."

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Thanks, Mark. Thanks for having me.

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And thanks for doing the work you do to help people hear they're in everywhere from the sounds of things.

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You know, it is an uphill climb. But, you know, it's interesting.

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Over the years, one of the reasons we started this podcast was we saw the desperate need of people not even knowing where to go to get the resources.

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And so that's why it was the impetus of this program and it's grown ever since over the last six years.

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And so we're excited to be a part of the solutions out there and bringing folks like yourself on that are the true experts out there in the field.

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I think if we all do the best we can and work together, we end up in a place that's better than we were.

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So I'm glad to be here.

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Yeah. So, you know, I'm curious. I don't know if you've ever been asked this question, but I'm curious. The name "Tea us no."

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Your parents were very creative. And I just, I love that. What's in a name? I'm fascinated by name.

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So tell us the story behind "Tea us no."

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Okay. Well, my mom was creative, but not that creative. So her, my maiden name was Alman, A-L-L-M-A-N.

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My middle name came from both grandmothers. Both grandmothers had one for a Lucille and one Lucille Virginia. So I got the batch up there. So I got Lucille as a middle name.

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And they were Thomas, Oris, and Dora Lee. And so they decided on T-L and then Alman. T-L-A were going to be the initials of all the children.

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And I was the first. And so my mom thought, "Oh, what a, I've got an idea." And so she decided my name would be T-E-E-N-A-T-N-A.

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But T-N-A is spelled with two E's, nine, nine. And when you put that all together, the meaning of the word and then my name was tiny little light before Alman.

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That's cool. Well, different. So anyway. But it's in the big picture, it's all been true.

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Well, see, it sort of works out this way, but you don't know. What's in a name?

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Yeah, so what happened was when I was a teenager, I was working with kids with developmental disabilities. And children with autism and speech problems.

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And I had a little boy named Michael who couldn't say Tina. He would call me T-PA, T-PA, T-PA. Tell me, tell me, 'cause he had a speech impediment in addition to his autism.

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And then all my friends started calling me T-PA, T-PA. And so before too long, everyone called me T-PA rather than Tina.

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And so over time, it became what everybody called me, so I legally changed it to T-PA instead of Tina. And then I married a guy named Dick Snow. And so it's now T-P-S-O.

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So it all came to just sort of line up that way, I guess.

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Love it. A great story. And just I love hearing the story behind people's names. It's fascinating. I love it.

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Okay, so for our listening audience, it may not be familiar with T-P-S-O, but many, many people are. Tell us a little bit about your journey.

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And what roads have you traveled to get to this place where you are the queen or the czar of dementia care?

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Well, I would never describe myself. But I heard those kind of things. I started off my grandfather moved in when I was a kid and my mom was single parenting at the time.

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And so I became de facto his care provider when she was working. So she was a schoolteacher and she also then led a cheerleading group because she was a fizz-ed teacher.

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And so I would be with my grandfather for long periods of time. And my grandma had died. And that's when we found out how involved his brain was because at the time we had no idea because they lived out of town and you know, it's like, whoa.

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So I learned how to do things to keep him okay because if he wasn't okay, nothing was okay.

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So he would say things like, listen, I've got to get home. Floes looking for me. I've got to get back. I can't stay here anymore. And my mom would say, Dad, what part of mom's dead or you're not getting?

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I mean, this is ridiculous. I told you, remember, look, here's your casket. And I was like, oh, that didn't go well because every time it would be a surprise and he would grieve.

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And then he would say, that's a lie. That's not true. I'm going back to Cleveland. You can't make me. And so instead, I would say things like, but grandpa, if you leave right now, I will be alone.

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And I don't want to be alone. Please will you stay just maybe till tomorrow? And he would say, okay, well, I'll stay one day. But then I got to get home. I can't stay here long. And I said, well, just till tomorrow then.

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And that was sort of the beginning of understanding, you know, I can't fix what's wrong, but I can make different choices. And I see what happens if you make one choice. And I see what happens if you make another choice.

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And I don't see the point of fighting when we can figure out how to make this work better.

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So that was really, you know, that was family. And so I started with my grandfather. And then we moved on later on, my grandma on the other side, developed Alzheimer's.

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And then after that, I went for a while before it was back in the family again. And I started working with kids with developmental disabilities and elders who were in a day program.

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And then I went to my master's program and so it went. And that's how it all started though.

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Wow. Okay. And then your occupational therapist as an occupational therapist, did you see yourself at that time becoming an expert in dementia care?

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Not so much. I was actually when I started, I was doing head injury and I was doing stroke.

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So I was doing a lot of neurological changing and what I was really excited and interested was when brain change or their damage, wow, what happens? And how do you help people recover from that or how do you help them cope with that?

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Or how do you help them live life with that? And then I was spending more and more in time in geriatrics and I started discovering, well, you know, dementia is sort of like brain change.

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Sort of like, you know, you've had a head injury, but this one is like ever changing and it keeps going and it doesn't turn around and get better.

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But what I noticed is how I could interact with people could really change how they did and how they did in their day and their environment.

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And I couldn't really change the direction of travel essentially, but I sure could change how they live and how people interacted and how they felt about what was going on.

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And so it was a gradual shift more from head injury and stroke into the beginnings of dementia, but that wasn't reimbursable under Medicare.

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So I had to find other ways to start doing that practice because it turned out I like that a whole lot more than trying to set and meet goals according to government standards.

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When was it that that that light went on and you noticed that you have a very special gift to of teaching and speaking in front of groups and taking this message, you know, that is so can be so clinical.

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And bring it down to the level of of everyday folks like myself.

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Yeah, so it started when I had finished my master's program and I was starting to work with people in long term care.

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And I would hear these programs that people would try to deliver and I'd watch staff go to sleep and I'd watch families not get it and I was teaching at the medical school.

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As part of an interdisciplinary team and it was like, hey guys, I don't think this is working.

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And so I would say, OK, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to stand up in front of you and I'm going to lean in.

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I'm going to say I need you to stand up and I want you to tell me, how does that make you feel when I do that?

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And people would say, go, obviously, I don't like it.

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I don't want to end up you're leaning in and I say exactly.

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So one of the things that we need to realize is where are we stand and how we say things really makes a difference.

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And it's not that somebody might have to mention is that as a human being, it's intimidating and it's confrontational.

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So let's try something. I'm going to try something different with you and you tell me how this makes you feel.

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And what I found out is people learn a lot better when you can engage them in the learning.

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And even if most of the group is watching, everybody's going, yeah, I wouldn't like that either.

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And it's like, OK, and then the next thing you say is, all right, so I went everybody to pair up and I want you to try this with a partner and you're going to take turns because I want you to see how different it feels when you're sitting in the chair versus when you're standing and when you're giving information versus when you're trying to get it.

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Now I'm going to add a piece. OK, you ready, Mark?

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OK, I'm going to go to the mouth. And your first thought is what?

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And it's like, yeah, and the problem is I took away your consonants and I left you with valves, but consonants are the value part of a word.

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So when I said, I want you to stand up and come with me and I'm going to take you down the hall.

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The first instinct you have is to say, what? I don't know what you want. And then if I get louder, it doesn't help because it's a comprehension issue, not a volume issue.

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And I find it interesting how when we're talking with people that with any kind of a long term illness or, you know, we always raise the volume thinking they're going to understand us more.

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And yelling at someone doesn't necessarily make them more tuned in to what you want is showing at me.

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Yeah, good point.

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So that actually happened fairly early on was that I'm a very, I use lots of different ways to learn. And so I could figure out how do people like to learn? And so I started tuning into that.

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And I found that people really do better at learning when you give them opportunities to use their eyes and their ears and their bodies.

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And that's what dementia is really all about is trying to figure out how to use your eyes, your ears and your body and your thinking system to get things to happen.

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And what happens when it's not working like it should.

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Amen to that. So let's break this down. Let's start with dementia for those of our listening audience that may be new to a new diagnosis for a family member on dementia. What is dementia?

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Yeah, so dementia has some characteristics. It's actually a syndrome, a collection of symptoms. It's not a hard diagnosis. A diagnosis is a specific form type or cause.

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But what we know when somebody's been identified as having a dementia, it means that while we've hopefully looked at everything, it could be that we can fix.

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And what we have is we have a brain that is starting to deteriorate. It's going to lose, it's going to lose chemistry first. And then it starts to lose its structure.

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And it can be due to malformed proteins or it could be due to a circulation issues or it could be due to oxygen flow issues. But what we're seeing is that the brain is gradually over time or relatively rapidly depending on the type of dementia.

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And it's starting to die, a parts of it are dying. Now only parts and as that happens, the cells sort of don't work very well. And then they start dying off and the disease spreads around in the brain.

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And depending on where it starts and how it spreads, it gives us a pretty decent idea about what kind of dementia we might be looking at and what we might notice about,

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what changes in abilities and changes in behavior and changes in interest and changes in the ability to live independently and the way I always lived before.

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But also how my emotions are and how my thinking is, what my memory is about.

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So the tricky part about dementia is people tend to think that dementia is dementia is dementia and it turns out that dementia is unique for each individual.

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And we have probably at this point, we think over 120 forms, causes and types that we're aware of, but they have patterns.

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And so at least two parts of your brain are actively changing and dying. So they're not staying the same, they're progressing and they're dying.

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The second thing is that it is progressive. It doesn't stop once it gets started. It doesn't know how to say, okay, that's all I'm going to do. I'm going to stop here.

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It might stop for a while, but then if nothing else changes, it keeps moving forward.

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And we don't have a cure for it right now. And finally, you know, ultimately it will tend to progress and progress until there's so much damage that your brain can't run your body anymore.

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So it's considered for sure a terminal condition in that we don't have a way to stop it. We don't have a way to cure it.

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But ultimately over time, if nothing else takes your life, it will, it is a terminal illness.

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So in in a nutshell, dementia is an umbrella term. It's a descriptive term of what's happening to one's brain.

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The brain cells are dying.

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Do we know what causes the brain to die? What have I done to kill my brain cells?

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Yeah, well, that's a really good question. We do know that having had a stroke or having had a heart attack or having had some things put you in a risk category for from that point forward, there might be some scarring.

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And so your risk of then later developing a dementia is higher, but it's a 50/50 risk. So, you know, 50% of the time it will turn into something that progresses.

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But if it's stable, it's not a dementia.

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So it could be that you have abnormal proteins building up, but what we don't know is what causes the abnormal proteins to build up.

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Like the amyloid plaque or tau pathologies or sonuclein protein, malformations, but you're getting a lot of abnormal protein and you're getting a lot of brain areas that aren't burning fuel like they should.

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They are not doing their job as well as they should.

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And so we see good moments and bad moments and we see inconsistent sort of abilities. And then we start to see shut down in certain areas.

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So we think it's related to a cascade, it's called a cascade event where it starts off with this and then it keeps building up and getting worse.

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And ultimately that's when we start seeing the behavior. So you could have the beginnings of dementia for five to 20 years before we see the beginning symptoms of your living with dementia.

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As the brain is being attacked, is it environmental issues that we've put ourselves into? Are there genetic issues that...

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I mean, what's the correlation between those two bombardments?

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Okay, so well, the first highest risk is getting older, but the alternative that is not good.

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So, but as we age, our risk goes up for most of the measures except for a frontal temporal dementia, which we can spend more time talking about or we may skip over it.

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But when it comes to genetics, there are certain groups of people that could have... they have what's called a pre-cnione gene.

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So they got one of these genes from one of their parents and if they get that gene is called a dominant gene and they will develop dementia at a young age.

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But other people, they don't have that gene. That's not the thing they have. They do have an allele, a variation.

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And if you get two of these, APOE, which is a certain genotype, and you get two APOE4s, your risk of developing dementia is high.

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But if you have two, your risk is really low. And if you got three, it's sort of a crapshoot in the middle.

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And yet there are other defenses that don't depend on your genetics at all. It's environmental toxins.

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So people who, for instance, are exposed to large degrees of mercury or maybe have other heavy metals.

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People who've been exposed to certain toxins, they can. And people who consume a lot of alcohol in what we call binge drinking in an effort to manage and control things that are going in your life that aren't great.

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We can actually kill brain cells, kill brain cells, but then we also, for some people, create a craving for that source.

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I have to ask, I have to ask the what is a lot of alcohol because I love my bourbon, I love my wine and I love my beer.

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How much am I putting my brain in jeopardy?

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Yeah, so this gets a little tricky. So part of it is that, yeah, part of it is that when I talked about that, drinking a lot in a short period of time.

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When you do that sort of, that a large amount. So two drinks for men a day, one drink per day and the right proportion.

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So if I'm talking about hard liquor, it's about a shot. If I'm talking about a beer, it's a 12-ounce beer, not a buddy can in the old days.

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You know, refer to them.

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And if it's wine, it's a six to nine-ounce glass, depending on the potency of it. So it's how much alcohol, because alcohol is essentially, it's a thing that you, a little bit, can make you feel good, but it also suppresses systems.

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And if you do too much, it's actually called alcohol poisoning. So you damage brain cells and, yeah, they can recover sometimes, but sometimes you kill them.

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And sometimes you then set up a system that it feels good because I can't feel anything. And so it's one of the best anesthetics. You know, it's used in surgery for years.

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And let's get back to the dementia is an umbrella term. And there is a thing called alcohol dementia, correct?

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There is. And the doctors names were Corsicaff and the Corsicaff syndrome or Vernecki syndrome.

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Those are two that are different kinds of alcohol related dementia. Just like we have, you know, we also have other ones with Dr. Alzheimer and Dr. Pick and Dr., it was where Dr. Parkinson's is Dr. Parkinson's.

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So it's taken sometimes from the part of the body that part of the brain is involved, but sometimes it's the physician that first identified it.

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Yeah. Okay. So is it reversible? Is it curable? Where are we at in the science of dementia today?

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Yeah. Well, as of right now, we do not have evidence that it is eliminated. So I can't eliminate dementia from you, but I can improve the quality of your life.

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But can I stop of progressing? Well, if you've been keeping up with the stuff, this is what the group like with adjuhelm, the medication and other meds like that, their goal is to reduce the amino, the acetyl, the beta l amaloid plaque in the brain.

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Whether or not that will halt or change the progression of dementia is still up for debate. The amount of change that they've demonstrated so far is not not exceptionally wonderful.

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So for right now, I think for most of us, we're not looking at as a curable condition or even a fully preventable condition, but we can reduce our risk and we can improve the quality of life.

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Even if somebody does have the very beginning signs and we might might be able to buy people function, more function in their life for longer, but I don't know that we have anything that says we can get rid of this condition.

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Yeah, whether it's reversible or curable either way. Yeah.

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So just recently they came out with one of my favorite medications out there on the market, the little blue pill. So tell us, are you familiar with what they're saying is that Viagra is effective in helping people and what does that mean?

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Yeah, I think it's called wishful thinking or something. I'm not sure exactly. I mean, because I have certainly seen situations where people were attempting to use Viagra, but what it did is to some extent heightened testosterone a little bit, but what that ended up doing for people is make them more irritable, sort of like bread no zone, you know, like use it with caution because wow.

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It can cause a little bit of release on those emotions and you may get something you'd never intended in that there's not any reasonable clinical evidence that says that little blue pill is going to fix your brain.

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I'm so sorry.

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Well, it when it first came out, I mean, you don't care anymore.

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Yeah, yeah, that's true.

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But when it first came out, I was thinking, well, that makes sense because what the little blue pill is doing is that it's putting oxygen into your blood, which gets more into the brain.

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And so I could see the correlation.

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Yeah, I mean, and I think that's what we're sort of everybody sort of trying to find this magic way that we can do better.

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And you know, I'm hoping that sometime we find some stuff. The hard part is a lot of the time it's going to take actually a change in our lifestyle and what we like to eat and what we like to do and how we like to spend our time and, you know, how our society is shifted from a very physical society where we did a lot of stuff.

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But sometimes to access because we were into survival into a society that's got a lot of free time and unfortunately one of our favorite activities appears to be sitting.

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Yeah, which is not really healthy for any part of the human system actually.

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Yeah, yeah.

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And that's where diet comes in.

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I know we've had several guests on our show, you know, describing a whole food plant based nutrition.

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And the Mediterranean diet and for sure, all of those things are moderation and helpful.

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Yeah, yeah.

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And exercise. We know that physical exercise, our, we were built really with two legs and one high in probably for a reason.

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We're supposed to use our legs twice as much as our high ends and use our hands and our eyes and not be just putting stuff in our mouths but doing something productive.

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And I think, you know, finding those spaces in places rather than we're so tired, we're so stressed and it's like understood.

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So let's talk about that and let's figure it out.

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Yeah, and I think, you know, essentially what I'm learning is that it's a comprehensive approach to addressing, you know, what's happening to our brain as it dies.

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And, you know, the diet takes a place, takes place, the physical, our physical abilities and then also sleep. Sleep is huge.

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Oh, sleep is huge.

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Yeah, it's when the little guys get out and start sweeping away all those toxins.

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Yeah, yeah.

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And, you know, that's one of the things we think is happening at this point.

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We think the glial cells are not getting a good shot at doing the cleaning job.

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And after a period of time they go, I quit. I just, you know, you're not giving me enough time to get my job done.

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And, you know, so we really do want to be thinking about, okay, are we allowing our brains to heal and recover each night?

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Are we giving ourself permission to take care of ourselves?

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And, you know, as carriers, boy, that's a tough one sometimes.

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Yeah. All right. So the brain is what's happening to the brain. It's dying.

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And as the brain is dying, let's talk a little bit about what it's doing to the person that is living with dementia and some of the implications.

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There's just like anything else in life. There's the cause and effects.

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So as our brain's dying, then what are people living with?

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Yeah. So it's interesting because there tend to be certain areas of brain that are very vulnerable.

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And so when you have really vulnerable areas, we see those areas often getting taken out first.

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But what that means is the other areas that are less impacted become big players than whereas before they were not that big on the play.

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They were just sort of background players, but now they're front.

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So for example, one area that we know is frequently involved in many dimensions is the hippocampal area, which is where you learn and remember new things.

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It's where you find your way from place to place. And when you go someplace, you know what's going to be there and how you would do something there and then how to get back to the first place you were at.

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So it's getting around and recognizing how you use something or make use of something in a place and then come back to where you were.

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And then the last thing your hippocampus is pretty good at is keeping up with how much time is gone by since you last eight.

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You went to the bathroom. How long has it been since you saw somebody that you really like to see how long has it been since you took a shower? How long has it been since?

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So if that part of your brain is at working, what do you think I might see in you as a human being? What might I notice just from that part of the brain alone?

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Yeah, and that's where the confusion comes in.

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Yeah, so I think I just took a shower. I take a shower every morning and it's like, not this morning you didn't. Well, sure I did.

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No, you didn't. And you would get into without thinking about it will start arguing about what you did and what you didn't do instead of recognizing, wow, damage in the hippocampal area.

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So he thinks he did because he usually does and he has no idea it's been two weeks since he's taken a shower.

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I go to the store and I call back and I say, you know, I can't, you know, I'm in the parking lot and I don't see the turn to the or the house and it's like, but you've gone to the store forever.

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Yeah, and in that moment, if you think of it, I went out and now I'm trying to get back and it's my brain is going, I don't know how to get you back.

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I know how to get you out there, but I don't how to get you back and me calling is a signal that I had awareness and you say, well, mommy, take a right.

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The tricky part is you're not, you're not sure that I'm at the store you think I am because you're assuming I'm at the store I always go to, but I actually might gotten lost on the way out.

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So that idea that I get lost where I'm going or how to get back and so a frequent term you hear people use is listen, I need to get home. I want to get home and it has a lot to do with I want to get to a place of safety and connection and comfort and I'm not sure how to do that.

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And so I'm seeking support because my part of my brain that would tell me, how do I get back to a safe place.

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I think one of the things that I've noticed is that there's, and I understand where this comes from because 80% or at least that's what they say 80% of all dementia are Alzheimer's, which is a memory loss disease.

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And like you said, it's affecting the hippocampus, but, but what about, I mean, there's other factors that I really want to educate people on that there's, there's judgment, there's reasoning, there's balance, there's, I mean, it goes on and on the implications.

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Yeah, so the hippocampus is one part of the brain, but it's a small part of the brain. It's very small. And so what you're talking one of the first series you talked about was the prefrontal cortex, which is the thinking part of your brain.

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So this is where you're going to see a shift. And again, I will be impulsive. I will be more impulsive. Maybe than I've ever been. And so I do things that I would never have done or say things or, or I don't control my impulses as well.

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The second is that I lose my ability to take in data and be very logical and reasonable about it. So, you know, why did you put my keys in the closet? Well, why I didn't do anything with your keys, you had your keys, well, they're in the closet. Why did you put them there?

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Well, mom, I didn't put them there. Well, you must have, because I surely didn't. And I think you're trying to hide them from me, so I won't drive.

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And so that leap of logic, and it's like, but wait, I didn't do it. You're trying to use, and that's that now combo of the hippocampal damage combined with the not thinking straight. And the problem is neither are we or we quit arguing at that point and go, wow, a loss of memory and a loss of logic. So I need to pause a second.

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Another one is that I can't initiate. I can't get going or I lose my sequencing ability or I lose, how do I stop doing this and move on and do something else? So I'm standing in front of the trash can and I say, what do I do now?

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And you're like, well, you empty the trash can and I say, OK, and you say, well, just do it. And the problem is, I can't quite think of what's the first step in emptying the trash can. I see it. I know it.

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I can't figure out that first step. And if I don't know the first step, then I can't do the next step. And you so, you know, tell you what, take the bag out. Oh, OK. Yeah, now I got it. And all of a sudden, I can finish it. And it feels like, well,

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or you finish emptying the trash can and I'm still standing there and you say, what are you going to do now? And it's like, I don't know what the next thing is. And so that's, that's a hard one because it's so hard to imagine.

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And then there's the other thing in the front of the brain where, you know, frankly, I think I'm fine. And you're like, how did you think you're fine? You wreck the car. I mean, you you burn dinner. You walked away and you let me.

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And yet my brain is not letting me. It's called anisec nausea. I really am not self aware and not everybody has it. But when you do boy, it's a tough one because I think I'm fine.

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Or I think I can't do anything, which is the other extreme. And it's like, I need you to take over. I need you to do things. Please don't leave me. And it's like, oh, my heavens, mom, you can do this. No, I can't. I can't. I'm going to make a mistake. Please don't make me do this.

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And it can go either direction, but it means that part of the brain is at working very well.

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Where in the middle of a conversation with one of America's leading educators on the subject of dementia?

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Tepa Snow. Tepa has developed a dementia care philosophy reflective of her education, work experience, medical research, and firsthand caregiving experiences.

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We'll continue this discussion in just a moment along with your host, Mark Turnbull, right here on Aging Today.

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Sometimes I'd like to smack old age right in the kisser.

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Oh, yeah, still got those moves. I will be fabulous. Comfort care can help with as much or as little home care as you need.

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From medication reminders and meal prep to everyday chores and errands. Let us create your personalized care plan and find the perfect caregiver match so you can live your best life possible.

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Call Comfort Care at 503-636-0417.

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A Did You Know Moment from Comfort Care Home Care of Westlin.

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Did you know that there are over 55 million people living with dementia worldwide?

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These individuals deserve quality support so they can live their lives as productively as possible.

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But unfortunately, knowing how to provide the most effective support does not often come naturally.

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That is why education and skill development is so critical for caregivers, of course, and for everyone in the general population as well.

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Positive approach to care's mission is to change the culture of dementia care, one mind at a time.

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For more information, visit www.tepisno.com. This Did You Know Moment is brought to you by Comfort Care Home Care of Westlin, Oregon.

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Today at 503-636-0417.

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And now more with Mark Turnbull and his guest, Tepis Snow, one of America's foremost educators on the subject of dementia here on Aging Today.

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You mentioned earlier what is dementia. It's progressive. And so in relationship to what we were just describing, how fast does all of these things happen in an individual?

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Or is it real gradual? Is it depending on that individual? Talk a little bit about that.

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Yeah, and so this gets a little tricky because it depends on the individual, the type of dementia, what else is happening for that person?

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So a person that has diabetes and is hyper-tensive and has PTSD or a mental health condition, then I would anticipate the appearance of symptoms and the up and down of symptoms would be much more variable than somebody who's really aging fairly normally, but they're starting to experience some of the having challenges in the

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mental health care. So I think that's a little bit more of a campy area in the frontal and maybe even in the temporal where the language is housed.

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And so finding the thing that I wanted to tell you, know what I'm talking about, the whatch macollid. Shoot, what's the name of that thing?

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So word finding. And maybe just a little limitation in how much visually I can take in at a time.

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And so we're going to look at that in a very slow way for people who have late later life onset typically.

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But with certain dimensions, you can be from beginning to end of the dementia like Crossville, Jacobs disease within six months.

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Some of the prior diseases are very, very rapid and some people with young onset, we see a much more rapid progression in others.

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And so it's very gradual. So it's highly individual, but it's individual based on person, other health conditions, and then the type or form of dementia or dimensions that they might be experiencing.

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And that leads to a proper diagnosis.

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And in order to understand what's happening to the individual, because every individual is an individual, where do we go?

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And to who do we see, what kind of a doctor do we see?

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So you know, in getting sort of identified, this is not normal aging. This is something more and it really needs to be investigated.

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One of our biggest challenges is getting into the habit of having a baseline on cognitive ability.

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So we start to notice a shift as soon as it starts to appear so that we could be on top of it.

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And then we're looking into the symptoms are really getting in our face and getting in our way and causing so much distress.

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So the better we are, frankly, at picking up on a routine visit with the doctor, just routinely saying, you know, I'd really like to have my cognitions.

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I want to get it screened every time I'm in, so I sort of know where I'm at.

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And only one out of every hundred doctor's offices even bothers to do it. Even for people over the age of 65.

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And even when I know this is like the fifth leading cause of death for people over the age of 65 is like, wait a minute, we aren't doing this.

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And so just, you know, the basics there, but then if we are looking at getting a more specific diagnosis, we should be looking at a geriatrician or a neurologist or a gerious psychiatrist.

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Someone who's really tuned in and looking at the specifics of what parts of your brain are still working, what parts are not.

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Where do we see strengths, where do we see in abilities? And what's really important though is what was your baseline?

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What were you like before so that I have a really clear sense that, yeah, this is not you. This is, and that's why it's important, I think, to know what the pre-look will like.

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Before we start saying this is, this is this kind of dementia because if you were always distractable and maybe you had ADD or ADHD, then I've got to take that into account when I'm thinking about, well, you know, how severe is the dementia versus what she was already in a situation where her brain had some differences.

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And she was neuro, what we call neurodiverse to start with. So the prescription for Alzheimer's would be a different prescription for frontal lobe or in the other type of dementia, correct?

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Well, that gets a little, you know, the more knowledgeable your provider is, it should certainly be different.

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I mean, by prescription, I don't mean necessarily medicine, I mean, you know, just how do you report? How to live? Yeah, how to do that?

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It certainly should, but unfortunately, we're still in a time and a place that it takes advocacy frequently to get that.

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Because one of the things we still hear way too often is, well, we went to the doctor and they said she needs to get her affairs in order and to let him know when we need more help with medications.

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I've heard that. Yeah, I've heard. No, that shouldn't be what said. So, you know, yes, we should be doing that. Is it always the case? It often takes a good bit of advocacy to be honest.

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So get out there and see the right doctor. And I think that's what you're saying is most important so that they can begin to build a prescription for that individual.

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And it's really, you know, in the case of the people living life. Yeah, for living life with this condition. And it's really living until, until you're not here anymore, because you're going to live until you die. So this idea of let's get your affairs in order.

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Well, you know, at some point along the road early, I do want you to think and you should get a health care power attorney and think about who would be a good person to make choices, consistent with your values. And, you know, is that person prepared and have you talked to them about what you're interested in and want when, and if you're not able to do that,

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but, you know, frankly, we should be doing that whether or not we have dementia or not. So that's not having dementia. I mean, it's like it should be something we should all be doing.

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We have that, we all share that fatal disease. It's called living aging. Yeah. And procrastination. Yeah. All right. So, so let's shift gears here a little bit. And, you know, we've talked about dementia.

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We've talked a little bit about what's happening to the individual and the importance of a proper diagnosis. But, you know, we all have that passion and that compassion for those that are that are living with those that are living with dementia.

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Namely, the caregiver, whether that's a family caregiver, a professional caregiver, and it's important to understand what that person is, you know, diagnosed with and you have to understand a little bit about them as an individual and what their likes and dislikes are.

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But even then it can be a challenge.

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Oh, it's a huge challenge because basically I'm asking one brain to take care of your own body and your own brain and somebody else's.

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But you have to get permission from them to do what you want to do. And it's, but you can't like ask permission like when you're taking care of somebody with a broken leg. Can I get you something to drink and the person goes, yeah, when you get a chance, you know, or, you know, like tell you what, the doctor really wants you to wait there. So how about you get up and, well, okay, you know, it's not that kind of permission because the language center is so impaired because the thinking center is often impaired.

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And so it's the movement center and even the sensory center and the vision centers all sort of getting messed up. And so it's really a very challenging condition because it's ever changing and it's progressive.

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What would you be your suggestion or how to best prepare somebody that is either becoming a brand new caregiver for a family member or brand new caregiver as a professional.

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How would you suggest that they prepare themselves for that role?

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Yeah, tell me what you are liking about spending time with this person and what challenges you because I think from the very beginning, one of the things as we're thinking about this is what's your relationship with this individual.

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What would you like your relationship to be? And the second thing I say is tell me what your support system looks like. What have you got for support? Who do you have support? What's your, both your financial but your environmental support because we need to talk about this because often what people think is, okay, well, I can, I can do this.

311
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:31,000
And without thinking you start down this journey and you have no idea what this is going to look like and you get so far in and you're drowning and you're overwhelmed because you didn't realize how this was going to happen.

312
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:41,000
And I think taking a look about what you like, is this something you're really choosing or do you feel pushed into it? Because this isn't for everybody.

313
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:55,000
I mean, and I think all too often we make assumptions about, well, you're the son and it's like, yeah, and I love my dad, but he and I have never, never been good at negotiating how to do things together.

314
00:46:55,000 --> 00:47:07,000
And that's why I think it's important that we caution people to take out of their vocabulary, loved ones because many times in family members, there's no love there.

315
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:21,000
No, or I love you, but I don't like you. And it's like, that's really important to know. I mean, a sense of obligation is real different than being able and feel confident and confident supporting someone in living their life.

316
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:33,000
And so, you know, it's really looking hard and getting some support in place sooner than you need it to really help you look around and go, okay, so what part of this is good for you and what part you can need help with?

317
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:49,000
Yeah, and this is a great opportunity for a transition here to talk a little bit about your life commitment to teaching people a positive approach to care.

318
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:59,000
And let's talk a little bit about that. And then I want to get into some real specifics about behaviors and how to respond to specific behaviors.

319
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:09,000
Yeah, so some of our essentials is that we believe that care is about a relationship and that we want to have compassion. We also want to be authentic.

320
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:18,000
You know, we need to really, really appreciate what's happening for both of us. And we've got to stay curious. And the ultimate goal is to empower people.

321
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:36,000
I mean, really, when you feel empowered, the energy changes and your ability and willingness to engage with me is different. But when you don't feel empowered, when the power shifts, it's like, I said no, when it's like, I heard you know, all right.

322
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:39,000
Okay, that's better. That's easier said than done, Tepa.

323
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:53,000
It's sure not because when it's usually I know what's best for you. Your brain is dying and you don't know what's best for you. So I'm going to will myself over you.

324
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:56,000
And that never ends well.

325
00:48:56,000 --> 00:49:08,000
It does it. And that's like, you know, if I were your parent before, you know, you know, there's lots changing. Unless I turn around and say, okay, I'd like you to be my parent now. And I'm going to take on the kid roll.

326
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:18,000
And let's have made that commitment to you. Here's the heads up. I still think you are not the boss of me. I brought you in this world. And I'll be happy to take you right back out of you. Keep this up.

327
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:36,000
Sure enough, we get into shouting matches, pushing matches, we get into frustration and anger. And it's like, oh, that's not a way anybody should live. And we're talking hours and days and months and years sometimes of doing this.

328
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:49,000
So we've got to get to a place of some comfort. And yeah, everybody should experience discomfort, but nobody should live in distress. Whether you're the one living with dementia or you're the one living with the person living with dementia.

329
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:53,000
Distresses and it's really not a good thing for anybody.

330
00:49:53,000 --> 00:50:13,000
So one of the first things that you guys teach is that anybody living with dementia can't change, but me not living with dementia. I can change. Is that what you're telling me? And so I need to, you know, I mean as much as I don't like, but, but, but, but, but, but it is like, but his brain is dying.

331
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:24,000
I mean, if you could do it differently, all right, but that's not what I'm seeing here. So let's try it on this side, because I can't make him be different. Can you choose to be different?

332
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:26,000
So talk about something. Yeah, absolutely.

333
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:36,000
Sometimes the answer is no. And I say, well, you know, then try stepping away because right now, probably being there is more risky and dangerous for both of you, then stepping back.

334
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:45,000
And that's hard. That's really hard, but sometimes step away because that's going to do nothing but aggravate both of you. Yeah.

335
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:51,000
How do you, how do you teach that in your organization with a positive approach to care?

336
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:56,000
Yeah. And so one of the things we do is we actually do hands on like role playing.

337
00:50:56,000 --> 00:51:04,000
So when I stand, like when I start, I'll stand and I'll pull on your arms. What's the natural tense when I pull on your arms? Will you pull back?

338
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:14,000
Okay. So is my pulling on you helping you want to get up with me? Or if I shove my hand that you have any of your surprise to see a hand coming at your face?

339
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:26,000
Well, this is what I call help, but for you, it's like, what are you doing? And if I don't recognize that you can understand you need help, then my offer of help doesn't feel helpful.

340
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:37,000
It feels intrusive, rude. This is not okay. And so I've got a pause for a second go, okay, that didn't work. We work from mistakes.

341
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:46,000
Mistakes are what we learn from. So being willing to go, wow, that shirt didn't work. And it's like, okay, well, let's look at it. What didn't work? Well, she yelled at me.

342
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:55,000
Okay. So when did that happen? So we go back and we talk through a situation to try to figure out. And then we go, hey, I'm keep it. And you are.

343
00:51:55,000 --> 00:52:04,000
And your natural tendency is when I go, hey, it's Tifa and you are Mark. Mark. Yeah. And what I'm using is more automatic parts of the brain.

344
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:09,000
Hey, Mark, I have a big favor to ask you. Could you help me for five minutes?

345
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,000
Okay.

346
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:24,000
Now, why did you say, okay, you don't even know what I'm going to ask you because I'm a nice guy because you're a nice guy. And what I did is I appeal to the nice guy, not the guy who's wet in the chair that I want to get to the bathroom.

347
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,000
Yeah.

348
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:33,000
I'm reframing because unless I start reframing, I'm going to find myself really frustrated.

349
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:46,000
You know, it's interesting. We've had many clients that we've cared for with dementia and some of them display more angry responses to a question like that.

350
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:59,000
Like, nope. I don't want to or who are you to tell me who I am. I want to know why I'm here, who sent me, I bet.

351
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:07,000
Yeah. Yeah. Cause you're used to being on your own. Yeah. So this is, this is, you never asked for any of this. Did you?

352
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:11,000
Yeah. And you're really not like in one little bit of it. Are you?

353
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:19,000
Not a bit. And you know, right, I don't blame you. I don't blame you. I can tell you something if you're interested.

354
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:23,000
Okay. Now, why did you say again, what are okay?

355
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:27,000
Because I'm curious and you're curious. How did I get you curious?

356
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:36,000
You got you led me down a path of curiosity with it. It wasn't confrontational. It wasn't a command or a demand.

357
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:43,000
You had a conversation with me. Yeah. I was compassionate. I was like, man, I bet you didn't even ask for this.

358
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:50,000
And you don't like any of this. I'm not, I mean, I'm like, I got it. Here's the thing.

359
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:56,000
If it's not me, I think they'll probably send somebody else because I think everybody's worried.

360
00:53:56,000 --> 00:54:01,000
So I'm going to ask you for a big favor. Can we try something and see how we get along?

361
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:07,000
I mean, I understand you don't want anybody. I got that part. But I don't think everybody's going to give up that easy.

362
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:12,000
I'm going to be honest with you. Can we try something and just see how it goes?

363
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,000
Okay.

364
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:18,000
All right. So tell you what, I could use your help for a couple of minutes.

365
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:23,000
Would you come? I want to, I want to show you something because I was really amazed when I saw this and I came in your house.

366
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:30,000
And I noticed this. Would you come look at something with me because I have not seen this in very many homes.

367
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:34,000
Okay. Now all of a sudden, what are you doing? Which you may not have wanted to done at all?

368
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:40,000
You were sitting in your lounge or right there. But what have I gotten you up to do here?

369
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:47,000
Well, you got me up to look at something that was familiar to me, but I'm curious what it is.

370
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:51,000
Yeah. You took an active role and interest in something that you noticed.

371
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,000
Yeah. Was it about you being wet?

372
00:54:54,000 --> 00:55:08,000
Was it about you not having shaved? Was it about you sitting in that chair for hours at a time? Or did I begin to interact with you as though you're just an interesting person and I have this curiosity about something which which I do.

373
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:14,000
On the way in, I made sure I noticed some things that made me curious.

374
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:19,000
And I saw it by what you have that there are things you really care about.

375
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:31,000
Okay, but let me push back on your teeth. Okay. So, but my company, I'm a professional caregiver, sent me in to do a task and that is to get you in the shower.

376
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:32,000
Yeah.

377
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:36,000
And so my whole focal point as a caregiver is about a shower.

378
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:39,000
Yeah. So who set me up to fail as a caregiver?

379
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,000
Yep, the company. Absolutely.

380
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:46,000
Yeah, because this is this and who's asked me to get in the shower, the family.

381
00:55:46,000 --> 00:56:00,000
And the first thing that I noticed back, that whole focus is like, well, we got to get the task done. It's like, no, you got to set up a relationship because I don't know of many people who on the very first date want to get make it with somebody else and they keep their clothes on and you get make it.

382
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:11,000
And we do whatever we want with your body. I mean, that's actually got a bad rap going for it. And, you know, in most situations, if it weren't dementia, we'd call it taking advantage of somebody on the first date.

383
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:19,000
And especially from the generation of the World War II generation, they're very secretive, very private.

384
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:21,000
Private generation.

385
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:22,000
Yeah.

386
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:23,000
Oh, whoa, whoa.

387
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,000
And we don't like us hippies. That's for sure.

388
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:30,000
Not like the hippies who are like out there in their underwear or be naked, dancing in the rain.

389
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,000
Yeah, no, this is not that group.

390
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:38,000
And, you know, and I don't know as I've gotten older, I'm a little shy or about, you know, coming wide open.

391
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:42,000
And I'm like, yeah, I can think I'll get that top that goes down over your hips.

392
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,000
Yeah.

393
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:56,000
Which makes it, which totally makes sense. And this not only applies to caregivers, whether they're family or professional caregivers, but it also applies to home health.

394
00:56:56,000 --> 00:57:02,000
And we've, I've seen time and time again, nurses coming out.

395
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:08,000
And they're the only thing that they're interested in is checking the box. I got to do this. I got to do this.

396
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:11,000
And I just, I just go stop, stop with this.

397
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:14,000
You didn't do anything to connect.

398
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:15,000
You didn't greet. You didn't connect.

399
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:16,000
Yeah.

400
00:57:16,000 --> 00:57:18,000
Why would they, you know, get out of my house.

401
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:24,000
It's like, well, I mean, you didn't actually get your, you didn't knock on the door in way.

402
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:28,000
You didn't put your head around the door and go, hey, it's Mary.

403
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:29,000
May I?

404
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:33,000
I mean, you didn't do anything that said, this is your territory.

405
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:38,000
And if I went and I got in your car and I start going through your purse, how many are your wallet?

406
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:41,000
How many of you would go, whoa, wait, what are you doing?

407
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:42,000
Yeah.

408
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:46,000
And yet I'm supposed to let you come in, get in my underwear and start doing it.

409
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,000
It's like, wait a minute.

410
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:49,000
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

411
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:52,000
And poking and prodding and taking temperature.

412
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:58,000
And I've told, I've told so many home health workers do not ask them what day it is, do you know?

413
00:57:58,000 --> 00:57:59,000
What day it is?

414
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:00,500
Do not ask them the time.

415
00:58:00,500 --> 00:58:03,000
Do not ask them who the president is.

416
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:07,000
Do not do that unless you want to get a fist pair.

417
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:15,000
I mean, do you really want to set us up so we establish I'm incompetent or you're asking me things that make it sound like you think I am?

418
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:18,000
And now you're going to turn around and want me to do something.

419
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:19,000
Forget you.

420
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:20,000
Yeah.

421
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:26,000
But they come back and they say, well, but I'm required to ask those questions and I go, no, you're not.

422
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:27,000
There you are not.

423
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:28,000
There you are not.

424
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:30,000
There are other ways to get that data.

425
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:33,000
You can still get that information later.

426
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,000
Yeah.

427
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:39,000
And there's so many different, you know, non-intrusive ways to do it.

428
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:40,000
Yeah.

429
00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:41,000
For sure.

430
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:42,000
Yeah.

431
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,000
Okay, so I'm very curious.

432
00:58:44,000 --> 00:58:50,000
I went into a situation where I went into an adult care home, long term care community.

433
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:56,000
And we were playing music.

434
00:58:56,000 --> 00:59:00,000
And we had a caregiver that played the cello and.

435
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:01,000
Oh, wow.

436
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:08,000
And we were interacting and one individual kept saying over and over and over again.

437
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:09,000
This is so fun.

438
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,000
What was your name?

439
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:14,000
And they, I'm serious.

440
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:17,000
Every break in between songs.

441
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:19,000
What was your name?

442
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:24,000
And what do you do when you got these repeating questions over and over again?

443
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:29,000
And how do, how do people, how do you coach people to respond?

444
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:30,000
Yeah.

445
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:35,000
So we finished the music and you say to me again for the 15th time.

446
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:38,000
You say to me, so that was so much fun.

447
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:39,000
And what is your name?

448
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:42,000
And I'll say you're one to know my name.

449
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:43,000
I am Tifa.

450
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:46,000
And you are Mark.

451
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:47,000
Mark.

452
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,000
Now, Mark, let me ask you something.

453
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:55,000
Are you enjoying the cello or do you like other music instead?

454
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,000
What was your name again?

455
00:59:57,000 --> 00:59:59,000
You're wanting to know my name.

456
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,000
Yeah.

457
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:01,000
I'm Tifa.

458
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:03,000
Oh, hey, Mark.

459
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,000
Would you do me a big, come with me.

460
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:06,000
I want to show you something.

461
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:15,000
Because what I'm going to do is say, I've looked around the room and I noticed that people are really irritated with Mark.

462
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:19,000
People are tired of Mark asking the question.

463
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:26,000
I'll answer the question as many times as Mark wants to ask it because I get that Mark wants to connect to me.

464
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:30,000
We finished the song, which is an indicative.

465
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,000
He knows what he's supposed to do all the music is going.

466
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:35,000
But when the music stops, he's trying to be social.

467
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:39,000
And his depth of skill is almost nothing.

468
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:43,000
And so what he has is the social greeting of, that was lovely.

469
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:45,000
And what is your name?

470
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:47,000
And I will say you're wanting to know my name.

471
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:49,000
I'm Tifa and your Mark.

472
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:50,000
Oh, hey, Mark.

473
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:58,000
And now I give a come along cue and we move somewhere so I can give him something else to engage with for a little bit.

474
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:05,000
Because what I might also do is start sit and holding his hand or putting my hand on his shoulder while he's listening.

475
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:10,000
And stay physically connect him while he's listening to the music.

476
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:14,000
And as the music finished, I said, that was super wasn't it?

477
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:16,000
I love that music.

478
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:18,000
Wow, that was good.

479
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:24,000
He Mark and see if I can guide him that way because I'm already in connection.

480
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:30,000
And the other thing is we would say, what is your favorite music piece?

481
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:37,000
And would you like us to play it and Mark or we'll play it for you?

482
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:40,000
And that's creating that dialogue, correct?

483
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:41,000
That's that next step.

484
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,000
That's the thing that people are looking for.

485
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:45,000
Now you have to be ready for it.

486
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,000
I love you are my sunshine.

487
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,000
I love you are my sunshine.

488
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:50,000
I love you are my sunshine.

489
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:56,000
Because unfortunately when I go to the file cabinet and I look for all the things I should have in there,

490
01:01:56,000 --> 01:02:00,000
the only folder I can find is the one Marked you are my sunshine.

491
01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:04,000
And it's like, what I don't remember is I just heard that.

492
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:05,000
Yeah.

493
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:07,000
And so it gets, you know, it can be.

494
01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:12,000
I mean, for sure, it can be really hard sometimes when you have a mix of people in the situation,

495
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:16,000
or you're tired of listening and then I'll go, oh, I'm going to give you another one.

496
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:17,000
Listen to this one.

497
01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:18,000
See if you recognize it.

498
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,000
Yeah.

499
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:23,000
And, you know, try to get his brain to go in a slightly different direction.

500
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:29,000
But be prepared for a repeat if he likes seeing you and when he sees you, he wants to know who you are.

501
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:33,000
And the other thing to think about doing is putting on a name tag on the right hand side,

502
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:40,000
sitting so it's a possibility and then point to your name tag and give him a chance to pick up on the visual cue of your name tag

503
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,000
with just your first name.

504
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:45,000
And it's, and he goes, oh, it's TIPA.

505
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:47,000
Well, that's an interesting name.

506
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,000
And that's exactly the same comedy next every time.

507
01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:52,000
But, you know, again, he came up with TIPA.

508
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:54,000
I didn't have to offer it that time.

509
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:57,000
I just offered him a motion to my name tag.

510
01:02:57,000 --> 01:02:58,000
Yeah.

511
01:02:58,000 --> 01:03:09,000
And may I suggest also that when people do use a name tag, make your, your letters oversized so people aren't squinting and they can see it.

512
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:11,000
And keep it up on your shoulder.

513
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:14,000
Don't hang it down on a land here because they're looking lower than you want them to.

514
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,000
And then you're surprised when they reach out and try to take something.

515
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:21,000
And it's like, well, you guided them to the where the good stuff is, you know?

516
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:22,000
Yeah.

517
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:26,000
Are there any other repeating questions over and over again that?

518
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:28,000
Have you seen my mother?

519
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:29,000
Have you seen my dad?

520
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:30,000
Have you seen my mother?

521
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:31,000
Do you know where my husband is?

522
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:32,000
How about TIPA?

523
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:33,000
And those people?

524
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:34,000
And those people?

525
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:35,000
And those people?

526
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:35,000
And those people?

527
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:36,000
And those people?

528
01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:37,000
And those people?

529
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:38,000
And those people?

530
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:39,000
And those people?

531
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:40,000
And those people?

532
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:41,000
And those people?

533
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:42,000
And those people?

534
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:42,000
And those people?

535
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:43,000
And those people?

536
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:44,000
Yeah.

537
01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:45,000
And those people?

538
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,000
And those people?

539
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:47,000
And those people?

540
01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:48,000
And those people?

541
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:49,000
And those people?

542
01:03:49,000 --> 01:03:50,000
Yeah.

543
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:51,000
And that's the thing.

544
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:52,000
And those people?

545
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:53,000
Yeah.

546
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:54,000
And those people?

547
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:55,000
Yeah.

548
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:56,000
And those people?

549
01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:57,000
Yeah.

550
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:58,000
And those people?

551
01:03:58,000 --> 01:03:59,000
Yeah.

552
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:00,000
And those people?

553
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:01,000
Yeah.

554
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:02,000
And those people?

555
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:03,000
Yeah.

556
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,000
And those people?

557
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:05,000
Yeah.

558
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:06,000
And those people?

559
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:07,000
Yeah.

560
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:08,000
And those people?

561
01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:09,000
Yeah.

562
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:10,000
And those people?

563
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:11,000
Yeah.

564
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:12,000
And those people?

565
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:13,000
Yeah.

566
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:14,000
And those people?

567
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:15,000
Yeah.

568
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:16,000
And those people?

569
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:17,000
Yeah.

570
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:18,000
And those people?

571
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:19,000
Yeah.

572
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:20,000
And those people?

573
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:21,000
Yeah.

574
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:22,000
Yeah.

575
01:04:22,000 --> 01:04:23,000
Yeah.

576
01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:24,000
Yeah.

577
01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:25,000
And those people?

578
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:26,000
Yeah.

579
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:27,000
And those people?

580
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:28,000
Yeah.

581
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:29,000
And those people?

582
01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:30,000
Yeah.

583
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:31,000
And those people?

584
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:32,000
Yeah.

585
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:33,000
And those people?

586
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:34,000
Yeah.

587
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:35,000
And those people?

588
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:36,000
Yeah.

589
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:37,000
And those people?

590
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:38,000
Yeah.

591
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:39,000
And those people?

592
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:40,000
Yeah.

593
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:41,000
And those people?

594
01:04:41,000 --> 01:04:42,000
Yeah.

595
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:43,000
And those people?

596
01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:44,000
Yeah.

597
01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:45,000
And those people?

598
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:46,000
Yeah.

599
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:47,000
And those people?

600
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:48,000
Yeah.

601
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,000
And those people?

602
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:50,000
Yeah.

603
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:51,000
And those people?

604
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:52,000
Yeah.

605
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:53,000
Yeah.

606
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:55,000
Yeah.

607
01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:56,000
And those people?

608
01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:57,000
Yeah.

609
01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:58,000
And those people?

610
01:04:58,000 --> 01:04:59,000
Yeah.

611
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:00,000
And those people?

612
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,000
Yeah.

613
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:02,000
And those people?

614
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:03,000
Yeah.

615
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:04,000
And those people?

616
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:05,000
Yeah.

617
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:06,000
And those people?

618
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:07,000
Yeah.

619
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:08,000
And those people?

620
01:05:08,000 --> 01:05:09,000
Yeah.

621
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:10,000
And those people?

622
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:11,000
Yeah.

623
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:12,000
And those people?

624
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:13,000
Yeah.

625
01:05:13,000 --> 01:05:14,000
And those people?

626
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:15,000
Yeah.

627
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:16,000
And those people?

628
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:17,000
Yeah.

629
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:18,000
And those people?

630
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:18,000
Yeah.

631
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:19,000
And those people?

632
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:20,000
Yeah.

633
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:21,000
And those people?

634
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:22,000
Yeah.

635
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:25,240
that what you're saying I've seen that so many times,

636
01:05:25,240 --> 01:05:27,720
yeah, then it creates conflict.

637
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:29,020
It's such distress.

638
01:05:29,020 --> 01:05:32,360
And you know she, I either argue with you because that's not true.

639
01:05:32,360 --> 01:05:35,660
Or then I grieve it's like, well why didn't nobody tell me?

640
01:05:35,660 --> 01:05:38,100
And it's like and then were tempted to say "Well,

641
01:05:38,100 --> 01:05:40,340
mom, you're at the funeral, what are you talking about?"

642
01:05:40,340 --> 01:05:42,040
And it's like, I'm talking about brain failure

643
01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:43,440
is what I'm talking about.

644
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:44,920
My brain doesn't hold onto this,

645
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:48,200
and I'm really missing him and you're not helping.

646
01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:50,900
You're making me feel like you don't love me either.

647
01:05:50,900 --> 01:05:53,800
All I do is thinking you mad and all I am is scared.

648
01:05:53,800 --> 01:05:56,800
Yeah, so many times family members have said,

649
01:05:56,800 --> 01:05:58,440
well I can't lie to my dad.

650
01:05:58,440 --> 01:06:00,680
How do you respond to that?

651
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:01,680
Well, I'm so sorry.

652
01:06:01,680 --> 01:06:02,960
How about mom not being here anymore?

653
01:06:02,960 --> 01:06:04,360
Yeah, mom is in here.

654
01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:07,000
So what I do is I don't do the lie.

655
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:08,280
So we don't need to lie.

656
01:06:08,280 --> 01:06:11,480
When mom, when she says, have you seen my mom?

657
01:06:11,480 --> 01:06:13,400
You're looking for your mom.

658
01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:14,960
Yeah, yeah.

659
01:06:14,960 --> 01:06:17,240
Do you know where she is?

660
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:18,760
Now you're looking for your mom.

661
01:06:18,760 --> 01:06:20,320
You're not sure where she is.

662
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:22,760
Do you need her for something?

663
01:06:22,760 --> 01:06:25,240
Or you just miss in her as in general,

664
01:06:25,240 --> 01:06:27,160
and you just love your mom?

665
01:06:27,160 --> 01:06:29,200
Now is your mom a good cook?

666
01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:31,920
I change tents, but I do not lie and say,

667
01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:33,680
well your mom will be here in 15 minutes.

668
01:06:33,680 --> 01:06:35,360
Your mom is at the grocery store.

669
01:06:35,360 --> 01:06:37,760
I mean, those I think are risky behaviors

670
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:40,560
because my mom doesn't go to the grocery store.

671
01:06:40,560 --> 01:06:42,080
Dad goes to the grocery store.

672
01:06:42,080 --> 01:06:43,920
What are you talking about?

673
01:06:43,920 --> 01:06:46,600
Because you never know what people do remember.

674
01:06:48,400 --> 01:06:50,800
And in that moment, well, why isn't he here yet?

675
01:06:50,800 --> 01:06:52,520
Well, he'll be here in a little while.

676
01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:53,880
Or he can't come.

677
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:55,240
Well, why not?

678
01:06:55,240 --> 01:06:58,640
Well, then sometimes you'll get, is he cheating on me?

679
01:06:58,640 --> 01:07:00,520
And it's like, oh dear, oh dear.

680
01:07:00,520 --> 01:07:01,480
No, no, no, no, no.

681
01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:04,440
He's not, it's like, well, why isn't he here?

682
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:05,600
It's like that.

683
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:10,200
So I'm not a big proponent of lying.

684
01:07:10,200 --> 01:07:11,480
And I don't believe you need to.

685
01:07:11,480 --> 01:07:13,240
I think what we're trying to find out

686
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:16,360
is why is it coming up right now?

687
01:07:16,360 --> 01:07:18,040
Is she really missing the human being?

688
01:07:18,040 --> 01:07:20,520
Or does she have an unmet need that he would have been

689
01:07:20,520 --> 01:07:22,080
really good at meeting?

690
01:07:22,080 --> 01:07:23,240
You know, what's going on there?

691
01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:24,640
What's the unmet need?

692
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:26,560
She's describing for me.

693
01:07:26,560 --> 01:07:30,840
Okay, so dad, it's time to get in the shower.

694
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:32,880
I'm not taking a shower.

695
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,480
What is it about that generation, Tepa,

696
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:37,040
that they do not like water?

697
01:07:37,040 --> 01:07:38,480
They do not like the shower?

698
01:07:38,480 --> 01:07:39,000
Yeah.

699
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:42,040
Well, showers are really intense sensory experiences.

700
01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:45,400
And they're overwhelming for some people.

701
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:46,960
And you can't see the water.

702
01:07:46,960 --> 01:07:48,760
And it's hitting your body all over.

703
01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:50,960
But they've spent a lifetime showering.

704
01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:51,760
They have.

705
01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:55,040
And yet the sensory changes and the cognitive changes

706
01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:57,360
and the motor changes make this to,

707
01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:00,440
it's much more of a intense experience.

708
01:08:00,440 --> 01:08:03,720
And how many of you are okay with somebody

709
01:08:03,720 --> 01:08:06,080
observing or knowing whether you shower?

710
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:07,240
You just do it.

711
01:08:07,240 --> 01:08:08,640
And all of a sudden we're all busy

712
01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:11,480
and up in somebody's business of getting a shower.

713
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:13,400
And it's like, well, I'll take one later.

714
01:08:13,400 --> 01:08:14,840
Or I already did.

715
01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:17,360
Or I'm not doing that right now.

716
01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:20,400
And so what we've done is we've set it up as an adversarial.

717
01:08:20,400 --> 01:08:22,720
Hey, dad, it's about time for a wash up.

718
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:26,840
Now, do you want to do a shower or just want to do it at the sink

719
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:28,720
or maybe get in the bathtub?

720
01:08:28,720 --> 01:08:30,640
What's your preference?

721
01:08:30,640 --> 01:08:32,400
So give them options.

722
01:08:32,400 --> 01:08:35,040
So it's an option in options, not too many?

723
01:08:35,040 --> 01:08:37,080
Rarely the people select the, yeah,

724
01:08:37,080 --> 01:08:38,280
only just a couple that,

725
01:08:38,280 --> 01:08:41,560
and rarely do people select the shower quite honestly.

726
01:08:41,560 --> 01:08:42,800
It's overwhelming.

727
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:44,680
So sometimes I'll wrap a towel around somebody

728
01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:49,480
or leave them in a, a Terry to cloth cover

729
01:08:49,480 --> 01:08:52,040
because it eliminates the water hitting their skin

730
01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:54,760
and it gives them a layer of overlay of protection.

731
01:08:54,760 --> 01:08:58,440
And when it gets wet, often people will let it come off.

732
01:08:58,440 --> 01:09:01,080
But it keeps the warmth of the water against them too.

733
01:09:01,080 --> 01:09:03,240
And a hand-held shower feels a whole lot better

734
01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:04,640
than one that's coming off,

735
01:09:04,640 --> 01:09:06,880
the ceiling that you can't control.

736
01:09:06,880 --> 01:09:07,720
Yeah.

737
01:09:07,720 --> 01:09:11,800
And depending on who it is that you're caring for,

738
01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:15,680
and it's why it's so imperative that you get to know

739
01:09:15,680 --> 01:09:18,200
that individual and their likes and dislikes,

740
01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:21,200
is I've noticed that with some of our clients

741
01:09:21,200 --> 01:09:26,680
in one in particular is that I never ask them,

742
01:09:26,680 --> 01:09:28,160
do you want to get in the shower?

743
01:09:28,160 --> 01:09:32,680
I always say, okay, I start preparing the shower

744
01:09:32,680 --> 01:09:37,280
and I just start getting them in the shower

745
01:09:37,280 --> 01:09:38,600
and they go right along.

746
01:09:38,600 --> 01:09:42,040
But if I ask them, they'll fight me.

747
01:09:42,040 --> 01:09:43,080
Do you want to?

748
01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:44,920
It's like, well, you asked me if I wanted to

749
01:09:44,920 --> 01:09:46,320
and now you're gonna tell me I have to.

750
01:09:46,320 --> 01:09:48,520
It is like, that's not the same as, do you want to?

751
01:09:48,520 --> 01:09:50,280
I don't know how to explain this to you, kid.

752
01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:52,560
This is like not the same thing at all.

753
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:53,400
Yeah.

754
01:09:53,400 --> 01:09:54,240
Yeah.

755
01:09:54,240 --> 01:09:56,200
It's interesting how all that works.

756
01:09:56,200 --> 01:09:58,880
So let's, I wanna finish up with some angry

757
01:09:58,880 --> 01:10:01,880
aggression, aggressive behaviors.

758
01:10:01,880 --> 01:10:02,720
Okay.

759
01:10:02,720 --> 01:10:05,280
How, as a caregiver, do I respond?

760
01:10:05,280 --> 01:10:09,600
'Cause the first thing that happens to me, Tepa, is it,

761
01:10:09,600 --> 01:10:13,240
it, you just insulted my intelligence, my ego,

762
01:10:13,240 --> 01:10:15,600
my professional caregiving ego.

763
01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:16,440
- Dendrity.

764
01:10:16,440 --> 01:10:17,760
Yeah.

765
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:20,040
Yeah, I know, I just, I called it out.

766
01:10:20,040 --> 01:10:22,600
And it's like, really in that moment is like,

767
01:10:22,600 --> 01:10:26,080
recognizing, I really do not wanna interact

768
01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:28,360
with a primitive brain with my primitive brain

769
01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:31,000
and I've gotta make my thinking brain turn on.

770
01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:35,240
And it's like, wow, they are really not thinking right now.

771
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:38,240
So if they're not thinking, boy do I need to think

772
01:10:38,240 --> 01:10:41,480
and so the most important thing is go, wow,

773
01:10:41,480 --> 01:10:44,320
you're really angry at me.

774
01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:49,840
And it's like, yeah, because basically you're saying

775
01:10:49,840 --> 01:10:53,440
out loud what you're seeing, but rather than saying,

776
01:10:53,440 --> 01:10:55,280
I'm just trying to help you.

777
01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:57,480
That's, I mean obviously if they thought that,

778
01:10:57,480 --> 01:10:59,200
they wouldn't be as angry as they are,

779
01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:03,200
it's like, you, I get out of here, you want me out of here.

780
01:11:03,200 --> 01:11:05,480
Wow, you really don't like me here.

781
01:11:05,480 --> 01:11:09,640
No, okay, I hear you.

782
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:13,120
Well, tell you what, I'm gonna try to get out of here,

783
01:11:13,120 --> 01:11:16,720
but right now they told me I need to be here

784
01:11:16,720 --> 01:11:19,600
until the shift is over and I get it.

785
01:11:19,600 --> 01:11:21,440
You don't want me here at all.

786
01:11:21,440 --> 01:11:25,320
I surely don't, or if I'm a family member,

787
01:11:25,320 --> 01:11:28,480
I never asked you to come here, you did not.

788
01:11:28,480 --> 01:11:30,560
I thought I was gonna be helpful and boy,

789
01:11:30,560 --> 01:11:33,960
did that not work out for either of us right now?

790
01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:34,800
Paws.

791
01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:39,280
And it's given them permission to be angry

792
01:11:39,280 --> 01:11:41,560
because they don't like something.

793
01:11:41,560 --> 01:11:43,640
And you know, we all have those moments.

794
01:11:43,640 --> 01:11:46,720
I mean, imagine that, you know, your life,

795
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:49,240
you've been this human being that kicked your own way,

796
01:11:49,240 --> 01:11:51,280
did your own thing and all of a sudden it's like,

797
01:11:51,280 --> 01:11:54,920
and no more, you're now on my turf here.

798
01:11:54,920 --> 01:11:57,640
And it's like, mm, that's not working.

799
01:11:57,640 --> 01:11:59,160
I often tell our caregivers,

800
01:11:59,160 --> 01:12:00,640
if you haven't been kicked out of a house,

801
01:12:00,640 --> 01:12:02,680
you haven't been caregiving very long.

802
01:12:02,680 --> 01:12:03,920
- Yep, that's the truth.

803
01:12:03,920 --> 01:12:05,800
You know, and it's like I've sat on the front porch

804
01:12:05,800 --> 01:12:08,440
and then knocked and said, I am so sorry.

805
01:12:08,440 --> 01:12:10,760
I hate to bother you.

806
01:12:10,760 --> 01:12:13,440
And they're like, well, how sweet, hard for you.

807
01:12:13,440 --> 01:12:15,040
(laughs)

808
01:12:15,040 --> 01:12:16,800
Yeah, when you're willing to go willingly

809
01:12:16,800 --> 01:12:19,040
rather than, you know, resist, resist, resist,

810
01:12:19,040 --> 01:12:21,840
and make it a battle, then they do remember your face.

811
01:12:21,840 --> 01:12:22,680
(laughs)

812
01:12:22,680 --> 01:12:24,000
So be careful about that.

813
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:26,960
- Yeah, yeah, just talk a little bit about that.

814
01:12:26,960 --> 01:12:30,440
So even though they may not remember the conversation

815
01:12:30,440 --> 01:12:33,880
that you had 20 minutes ago or an hour ago,

816
01:12:33,880 --> 01:12:35,320
but they do remember your face.

817
01:12:35,320 --> 01:12:39,240
And if there's an association of a positive experience,

818
01:12:39,240 --> 01:12:41,040
they'll remember that more than they do,

819
01:12:41,040 --> 01:12:43,000
the conversation is that correct?

820
01:12:43,000 --> 01:12:44,400
- That is absolutely accurate.

821
01:12:44,400 --> 01:12:47,080
Because what happens is that is stored

822
01:12:47,080 --> 01:12:48,680
in a separate part of the brain

823
01:12:48,680 --> 01:12:50,760
that tends to be better preserved.

824
01:12:50,760 --> 01:12:54,160
So experiences that give you pleasure and experiences

825
01:12:54,160 --> 01:12:56,760
that make you really ticked off or angry.

826
01:12:56,760 --> 01:12:59,600
So those are things that tend to be preserved more

827
01:12:59,600 --> 01:13:02,680
in a human brain, even with dementia.

828
01:13:02,680 --> 01:13:05,360
And that's why kids can sometimes not remember the details

829
01:13:05,360 --> 01:13:07,800
or misremember details and think certain things

830
01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:10,120
that aren't accurate, but boy, they sure think 'em.

831
01:13:10,120 --> 01:13:14,760
Yeah, and believe 'em and they become fearful or angry

832
01:13:14,760 --> 01:13:17,360
even when that's not what I'm doing.

833
01:13:17,360 --> 01:13:19,960
But it brings back old memories.

834
01:13:19,960 --> 01:13:22,000
So you look like somebody they don't like

835
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:24,120
and suddenly they don't like you.

836
01:13:24,120 --> 01:13:26,400
You sound like somebody that they like

837
01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:29,160
and suddenly they're, oh, you're that lady.

838
01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:32,440
It's like a pysherium.

839
01:13:32,440 --> 01:13:34,280
And we aren't even sure who the lady is,

840
01:13:34,280 --> 01:13:37,120
but if you're looking positive, I'm in for it.

841
01:13:37,120 --> 01:13:40,400
- You're a positive approach to care.

842
01:13:40,400 --> 01:13:43,800
So if there's a listener out there

843
01:13:43,800 --> 01:13:46,280
that wants to learn more about it,

844
01:13:46,280 --> 01:13:48,760
and what are they going to experience?

845
01:13:48,760 --> 01:13:50,800
Are they gonna experience some of the role playing?

846
01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:53,880
I mean, I see the value and the power of role playing

847
01:13:53,880 --> 01:13:56,360
like you just done with us today.

848
01:13:56,360 --> 01:13:58,640
- Absolutely.

849
01:13:58,640 --> 01:14:01,520
Everyone of the people that are on our team

850
01:14:01,520 --> 01:14:05,080
are trained to do interactions in role play.

851
01:14:05,080 --> 01:14:07,960
Every one of them take a question and explore it

852
01:14:07,960 --> 01:14:11,160
before they would offer alternatives or an answer

853
01:14:11,160 --> 01:14:13,840
getting you thinking in a certain direction.

854
01:14:13,840 --> 01:14:16,760
We use video, we use interaction,

855
01:14:16,760 --> 01:14:19,720
we use all kinds of formats,

856
01:14:19,720 --> 01:14:23,200
but our goal is to help people do what they do

857
01:14:23,200 --> 01:14:27,000
in a way that works better for everybody involved.

858
01:14:27,000 --> 01:14:30,400
- Okay, so if I wanted to reach out,

859
01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:32,680
is the best way to connect with you

860
01:14:32,680 --> 01:14:34,680
is that through your website or?

861
01:14:34,680 --> 01:14:36,840
- The website, yeah, that's the easiest way

862
01:14:36,840 --> 01:14:39,240
and you can tell us what your relationship with the matches

863
01:14:39,240 --> 01:14:42,480
and that sort of helps guide us into where to direct you.

864
01:14:42,480 --> 01:14:45,920
Or we have an 800 number, they are on the website.

865
01:14:45,920 --> 01:14:47,640
We also have a chat line.

866
01:14:47,640 --> 01:14:52,200
We have Facebook, we have YouTube channel,

867
01:14:52,200 --> 01:14:55,120
and we also have TikTok and Instagram.

868
01:14:55,120 --> 01:14:58,000
Lots of ways to connect up.

869
01:14:58,000 --> 01:15:02,520
- Yeah, so would I be assigned a particular counselor

870
01:15:02,520 --> 01:15:05,000
or particular individual on your team

871
01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:08,680
to carry on an ongoing relationship,

872
01:15:08,680 --> 01:15:11,160
to share with you my frustrations

873
01:15:11,160 --> 01:15:15,560
as I am the caregiver for my spouse?

874
01:15:15,560 --> 01:15:18,320
- Yeah, and so we have a couple of opportunities.

875
01:15:18,320 --> 01:15:21,600
We do do groups, we do one-on-ones,

876
01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:23,040
they're consulting sessions

877
01:15:23,040 --> 01:15:25,560
or we have mentors that work with folks.

878
01:15:25,560 --> 01:15:28,800
We also, if you wanna be part of a group,

879
01:15:28,800 --> 01:15:32,080
we're more than happy to have you be part of a group as well.

880
01:15:32,080 --> 01:15:35,560
Because we know there's all kinds of people out there

881
01:15:35,560 --> 01:15:37,120
with all kinds of different needs.

882
01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:39,720
And so we're trying to be responsive

883
01:15:39,720 --> 01:15:42,960
depending on who you are and what you're interested in

884
01:15:42,960 --> 01:15:44,360
and what your availability is.

885
01:15:44,360 --> 01:15:47,320
- Yeah, okay, and so there's a lot of flexibility.

886
01:15:47,320 --> 01:15:49,200
You're in, I'm in Portland, Oregon,

887
01:15:49,200 --> 01:15:50,200
you're in Durham,

888
01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:51,960
- I'm in North Carolina.

889
01:15:51,960 --> 01:15:52,960
- You're in North Carolina.

890
01:15:52,960 --> 01:15:54,000
- You're in North Carolina.

891
01:15:54,000 --> 01:15:58,440
So we were at a time frame difference of three hours.

892
01:15:58,440 --> 01:16:03,160
Does that have any impact on my ability here on the West Coast,

893
01:16:03,160 --> 01:16:07,640
the left coast to communicate with you on the right coast?

894
01:16:07,640 --> 01:16:09,920
- Yeah, not so much because we have,

895
01:16:09,920 --> 01:16:11,920
we do have people who work different hours.

896
01:16:11,920 --> 01:16:14,360
We also have people who live in different parts of the world.

897
01:16:14,360 --> 01:16:17,800
So we have people over in Australia, in the UK,

898
01:16:17,800 --> 01:16:21,280
West Coast, East Coast, Canada, Malaysia.

899
01:16:21,280 --> 01:16:24,880
We have a pretty extensive reach.

900
01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:25,920
- Yeah, sounds like it.

901
01:16:25,920 --> 01:16:29,800
And so the website for our listening audience,

902
01:16:29,800 --> 01:16:31,760
what's the address?

903
01:16:31,760 --> 01:16:35,800
- Tepasno.com, my name with no space, Tepasno.com.

904
01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:36,960
Pretty straightforward.

905
01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:38,600
- And for our listening audience,

906
01:16:38,600 --> 01:16:40,840
if you're not familiar with Tepasno and the work

907
01:16:40,840 --> 01:16:45,840
that she's done, it's two ease, Tepasno.com.

908
01:16:45,840 --> 01:16:48,680
And reach out to her and her team.

909
01:16:48,680 --> 01:16:53,680
And they can definitely help you with all the challenges

910
01:16:53,680 --> 01:16:55,880
that you may find yourself in

911
01:16:55,880 --> 01:16:59,000
and trying to understand what's going on with dementia.

912
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:00,440
- Well, absolutely do our best.

913
01:17:00,440 --> 01:17:03,680
And if we don't know, we know people to talk to.

914
01:17:03,680 --> 01:17:05,560
- Yeah, absolutely.

915
01:17:05,560 --> 01:17:09,240
Tepa, what a pleasure to have you on aging today.

916
01:17:09,240 --> 01:17:11,160
Maybe we can do this again in the future.

917
01:17:11,160 --> 01:17:13,040
I know that our listening audience

918
01:17:13,040 --> 01:17:17,120
will appreciate the wisdom and the experiences

919
01:17:17,120 --> 01:17:20,240
that you bring to each of their situations.

920
01:17:20,240 --> 01:17:23,280
And it's all about living our best life possible.

921
01:17:23,280 --> 01:17:25,760
And that's what we wanna do.

922
01:17:25,760 --> 01:17:27,680
And that's what your team is all about.

923
01:17:27,680 --> 01:17:29,680
- Yeah, that's for sure the name of the game

924
01:17:29,680 --> 01:17:31,560
because we live until we don't.

925
01:17:31,560 --> 01:17:35,480
And so let's do it as well as we can together as a community.

926
01:17:35,480 --> 01:17:37,480
Because that's where we can make a difference.

927
01:17:37,480 --> 01:17:40,640
- Yeah, and the beauty of that community

928
01:17:40,640 --> 01:17:44,280
is that we all bring many experiences and resources

929
01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:45,280
to the table.

930
01:17:45,280 --> 01:17:49,880
And you guys, you're the resource of the resources

931
01:17:49,880 --> 01:17:51,640
out there in the world.

932
01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:54,040
So we really appreciate that.

933
01:17:54,040 --> 01:17:54,880
- You're so welcome.

934
01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:57,160
Thank you for being willing to connect

935
01:17:57,160 --> 01:17:58,880
and see what we can do to help out.

936
01:17:58,880 --> 01:18:01,080
- All right, thanks again for being on aging today.

937
01:18:01,080 --> 01:18:02,880
This is Mark Turnbull, your host.

938
01:18:02,880 --> 01:18:06,440
And I wanna thank you for tuning in to Aging Today.

939
01:18:06,440 --> 01:18:09,040
We are the podcast where we explore together

940
01:18:09,040 --> 01:18:11,680
the options to aging on your terms.

941
01:18:11,680 --> 01:18:14,760
Join us again next week for another lively discussion

942
01:18:14,760 --> 01:18:16,280
on aging today.

943
01:18:16,280 --> 01:18:19,160
And remember, we're all in the process of aging.

944
01:18:19,160 --> 01:18:22,440
And as we age, we really are better together.

945
01:18:22,440 --> 01:18:24,120
So stay young yet hard.

946
01:18:24,120 --> 01:18:27,240
♪ You make me feel so young ♪

947
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:30,400
♪ You make me feel like spring has sprung ♪

948
01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:33,400
♪ And every time I see your face ♪

949
01:18:33,400 --> 01:18:36,680
♪ I'm such a happy individual ♪

950
01:18:36,680 --> 01:18:39,720
♪ A moment that she's been ♪

951
01:18:39,720 --> 01:18:42,840
♪ I wanna go play hide and see ♪

952
01:18:42,840 --> 01:18:45,600
♪ I wanna go and bounce the moon ♪

953
01:18:45,600 --> 01:18:48,320
♪ Just like a toy balloon ♪

954
01:18:48,320 --> 01:18:51,480
♪ Well, you and I ♪

955
01:18:51,480 --> 01:18:55,000
♪ I'll just like a bullet tots ♪

956
01:18:55,000 --> 01:18:58,120
♪ Running across the metal ♪

957
01:18:58,120 --> 01:18:59,760
♪ Big and a lot stuff ♪

958
01:18:59,760 --> 01:19:04,760
♪ Forget me night so you made me feel so young ♪

959
01:19:04,760 --> 01:19:07,480
♪ You made me feel there are songs to be sung ♪

960
01:19:07,480 --> 01:19:12,640
♪ There will still be wrong and wonderful things to be fun ♪

961
01:19:12,640 --> 01:19:14,640
♪ And when I'm old and grey ♪

962
01:19:14,640 --> 01:19:16,960
You've been listening to Aging Today,

963
01:19:16,960 --> 01:19:19,240
where together, we explore the options

964
01:19:19,240 --> 01:19:21,360
to aging on your terms.

965
01:19:21,360 --> 01:19:23,360
Join Mark and his guest next week

966
01:19:23,360 --> 01:19:24,960
for another lively discussion

967
01:19:24,960 --> 01:19:28,080
on proactively aging on your terms,

968
01:19:28,080 --> 01:19:30,480
connecting you to the professional advice

969
01:19:30,480 --> 01:19:31,960
of his special guests,

970
01:19:31,960 --> 01:19:33,920
with the goal of creating better days

971
01:19:33,920 --> 01:19:35,880
throughout the aging process.

972
01:19:35,880 --> 01:19:38,200
Your host has been Mark Turnbull.

973
01:19:38,200 --> 01:19:41,240
Join Mark and his guest every week on Aging Today,

974
01:19:41,240 --> 01:19:43,920
your podcast to exploring your options

975
01:19:43,920 --> 01:19:45,720
for aging on your terms.

976
01:19:45,720 --> 01:19:48,800
♪ And you and I will be grey ♪

977
01:19:48,800 --> 01:19:52,600
♪ You make me feel the way I feel today ♪

978
01:19:52,600 --> 01:19:56,560
♪ 'Cause you make me feel so ♪

979
01:19:56,560 --> 01:19:59,720
♪ You make me feel so ♪

980
01:19:59,720 --> 01:20:04,720
♪ You make me feel so young, so young ♪

981
01:20:04,720 --> 01:20:11,480
♪ You make me feel so young, you make me feel so young ♪

982
01:20:11,480 --> 01:20:16,480
♪ You make me feel so young ♪