Navigating Aging in the LGBTQ+ Community

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you know, things that minorities deal with and yet at the same time, they can become stronger

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as a result of that and it really comes down to community, doesn't it?

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Yeah, it really does.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I think having, you know, I mean, there's so much research on this for older adults

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that isolation is just as dangerous as smokey, for example, right?

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We are social creatures and we are meant to be with others.

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And when that has been taken away from us or we can't access it for whatever reason,

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it's incredibly damaging.

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And then, you know, on top of it, you put the fact that most of the folks that we're serving

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are the very lowest income earners.

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So that additional, just constant day to day stress of can I pay my rent?

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I can't afford to go to the doctor.

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You know, where is my food coming from?

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That all compounds and we do see the high levels of depression.

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[Music]

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And now the podcast we're together, we discuss proactive aging on your terms, connecting

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to the professional advice of our special guests while creating better days throughout

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the aging process.

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Now here's your host, Mark Turnbull.

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Hello everyone and welcome back to another lively discussion on aging today.

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We are the podcast where together we're exploring the many options to aging on your terms.

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You can find aging today and our past eight years of programming on our website all you

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got to do is go to www.AgingToday.us.

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It's agingToday.us and you can plug into any of the programs, the interviews that we've had

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over the past eight years.

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And then I just want to say thank you for all of you that continue to support us, join

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us and we want you to continue to follow us.

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You know, just click and follow.

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We really appreciate all the support that you bring to aging today.

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Well we always say in this show that this is a podcast about aging and if you're not too

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busy being born, you're too busy aging and that is true for all of us.

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And I think today's show is going to be really important because today's interview is with

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a very special person that I've most recently met and she's representing a group of people

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that don't necessarily always get the best recognition and they're acknowledged in our

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culture today.

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And so we're going to be tackling those unique challenges to this community and here

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to lead us in the discussion is Brandy Panner.

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She's the program manager of the Elder Pride Services here in Oregon and she's an advocate

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and she's a voice to the voiceless.

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Brandy, welcome to agingToday.

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Thank you, Mar.

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Thanks for having me.

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Yeah.

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Well, we met about eight, nine months ago and I was so impressed with the dedication and the

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commitment that you have for being an advocate and for being a voice to those that need that

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voice advocating for them.

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And so before we get into the nuts and bolts of what it is that you provide and how you're

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advocating, I know our listening audience would appreciate getting to know you a little

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bit better and we always want to know what's in your story.

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What brought you to this place?

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Where did you grow up and what's your education, your training and all that?

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Yeah, that's great.

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I mean, like most people's life story, especially in the age, it's a bit meandering at times,

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right?

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I think this idea that we follow these traditional tracks is kind of outdated at this point.

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So my path like many, it's been a bit meandering.

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I actually grew up in the Portland area.

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I lived most of my life in Vancouver just across the river here from us in Portland.

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But anytime you're near a metropolis or a larger city, you always go into the city for everything

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right?

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So it's a kid that we've come into Portland to do all this stuff.

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So I left for university, lived in a few different places, traveled and kind of realized,

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gosh, growing up in the Pacific Northwest is actually a huge gift.

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So I think I'm going to go back home.

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So I came back home in the early 2000s and have settled here and called Portland home.

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So that's sort of my space story of being a native Oregonian and really loving and sealing

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a connection specifically to Portland in the state.

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And then, you know, I do like to adventure.

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So if years back my partner and I decided to move our kids to a rural setting, so we moved

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out of Portland and to 20 acres and beautiful wine country, Lamont Valley, you know, fixed

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up a house living in a sort of very pastoral life dream.

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And I got involved.

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I've always been really had a very strong desire to make sure that folks are being heard.

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And that most marginalized voices are brought up and represented in some way.

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So my educational backgrounds and social work and I was working in that and then I chose

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to have children and decided to stay home and volunteer.

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And that led me to becoming an elected school board official in the town we ran at the time

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in Newburgh, Oregon, which hit the headline in 2021.

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The majority of board members attempted to ban black lives, batter and pride flags and

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classrooms.

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Obviously, I am a strong proponent for LGBTQ+ folks and also by-pock folks.

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And so my job suddenly switched from being a school board member to being an outspoken advocate

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for those students and staff.

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Fast forward, 2022, my partner and I again decided for the sake of our children and their

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education, we would go ahead and move back to Portland.

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So we landed back in Portland and I found myself looking for a job and I found this posting

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that friendly house was hiring for their elder pride service program manager and I don't

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really know much about that.

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Let me do some research.

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And that's when I realized, oh my gosh, this program is one of a kind.

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It's the only one in the state that is specifically focused on advocating, supporting and serving

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LGBTQ+ older adult.

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So I thought, gosh, this even though I hadn't worked with older adults at that point, the advocacy

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piece specifically is what really called me to it.

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So it's your main name in the house and two and a half, well, almost two years later,

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here we are.

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And a great time.

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So do other states also have a program that is similar to what Oregon has in meeting the

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needs of the senior population in the LGBTQ+ community?

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Yeah, I mean, it varies drastically throughout the US, right?

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So the very, well, one of the very first organized movements started out of New York City in

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the 70s and that evolved into an organization called Sage.

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So there's Sage National, which is an organization that really focuses on elevating the voice of

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LGBTQ+ older adults through advocacy all the way to affordable housing development.

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But they're really kind of focused, like I said, in New York City.

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So there's a few organizations throughout the East Coast that do this kind of work.

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And then of course, on the West Coast, San Francisco, Seattle have both very vibrant program

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offerings and organizations.

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And then you get everything from multi sort of organizations that have many, many employees,

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multi-million dollar budgets, for example, in San Francisco, all the way down to grassroots,

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two or three people trying to organize in Iowa, right?

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So the map is all over the place.

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And really, I think the main driver is, do you have a group of passionate people?

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And are they coming together to organize to elevate that experience and voice?

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So some states have nothing really in other states, you know, have quite a few.

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Yeah, yeah.

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So we have about 73 million boomers that are going to be retiring by the year 2030.

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And how many of those 73 million are part of the gay community?

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And then what are we doing to increase our reach, our outreach to make sure that these folks

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have the same opportunities as the rest of the 73?

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Yeah, that's a great question.

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So it was only within the last few years that government agencies started collecting sexual

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orientation, gender identity, demographics.

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So all of the numbers we have specific to the LGBTQ+ community are fairly new, right?

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And that's a lot, there's a lot of reasons why that wasn't collected.

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There was a lot of reasons why folks within the queer community are very reluctant to share

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those sorts of information and demographics about themselves because again, this is a generation

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that grew up at a time when they could legally lose their jobs, their housing, didn't have

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a lot of protections for their safety.

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And so how that's manifesting now as older adults is there contend to be a real hesitancy

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to engage with large systems, especially when we're talking about like government support

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systems.

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So what we do know is here in Oregon that about a little less than 4% of our adult population

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identified as LGBTQ+ and that in Multnomah County, specifically, we have the highest rate

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of lesbian couples in the nation.

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So what that tells us, and we know this too, is that Oregon for decades has been a welcoming

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place for people.

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So Oregon has a higher per capita percentage of LGBTQ+ folks than any other state in the

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entire nation.

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And as people age, those numbers will only continue to grow.

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Yeah.

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When it comes to the different populations, we're talking about obviously seniors and I think

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it's imperative that people begin to be more thoughtful about the different populations

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because for me, it goes down to an understanding of who we are as human beings.

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And we're all human beings.

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And I think that can you kind of unravel or tell us a little bit more why there's so

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much tension in our culture towards people that are different in their sexual orientation?

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Yeah.

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I mean, that's a huge question.

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So I'll let you know, I'm kind of a sandwich generation, right?

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So I work with older adults, but I'm currently parenting a queer teen.

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And so I kind of, I get this, this multi-generational view on things, right?

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So I talk about our particular-

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So for us, baby boomers, so queer was, you know, a term that was a negative term.

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Correct.

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And now it's become a positive term.

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Correct.

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So maybe it'd be good for you to identify, you know, the acronym or LGBTQ plus and what that

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means.

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And because I think it's important, you know, I'm not a big proponent of, you know, how do

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you say it is?

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I wish we didn't have to label people.

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I just wish we could somehow get to that place where we're all people.

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We all need love and we all need, we have the same needs.

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We have the same aspirations and, but we're not there.

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So no.

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So we have to work with what we've got.

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Yeah.

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And there's power in language, right?

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There's power in personal identity as well.

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And so I think, you know, it would be lovely to be in a space where as a culture, as a

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society, you know, we didn't see different outcomes for people based on who they were.

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Unfortunately, that's where we're at.

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And so let's talk about language.

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I think let's just start there, right?

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Because it is really important.

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And language is always tuning in evolving, right?

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So what is term today next year may not be five years from now, certainly most likely

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won't be.

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But here's where we're at today.

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So the term LGBTQ plus, of course, the L is lesbian, G is gay, B is bisexual, T is transgender.

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And the plus is used as kind of a shortened abbreviation for folks who might identify as

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too spirited or non-binary or questioning or queer.

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You know, there's a full, beautiful pot of other acronyms that we could use.

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But LGBTQ plus is the most sort of basic and encompassing.

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And you're right, the term queer has recently been re-owned by the younger generation of,

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you know, I'm queer, I'm here, I'm proud, you'll see it on T-shirts, you'll see it on, you

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know, bumper stickers, water bottle stickers everywhere.

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And so what I notice in my team, right, this younger generation is that it is a very

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empowering term because it's been re-owned.

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And we know with our older adults is that it was definitely a derogative, you know, hateful

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term that was used to label and tear people down.

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And so whenever I'm doing something like this or a presentation, I always like to address

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that and say, you know, I will use the term queer because when you're speaking, it is

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often a lot easier than the sort of LGBTQ plus words to how it coming out of your mouth.

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But it is really important to know who you're talking to and to follow the language of those

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thoughts.

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Yeah.

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And I think the other thing too is that some of the misconceptions out there are, is that

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that those labels are are used for younger people, younger generations, but, but we're

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talking about seniors today that carry, you know, those traits carry those labels, if you

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will, and only if that's the right term, but it's a way of identifying themselves.

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And, you know, I think it's important to know that it's generational.

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It's not just young people.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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And I think you're right about that because not only its individuals are all of our experiences

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vastly different, right?

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But as groups and generations are vastly different.

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And so I think what we really strive to do at elder prayed services is not only create

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a course of purpose space that is safe for folks where they can connect, build community,

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combat, isolation, but also where there can be joy, right?

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It's not just about surviving.

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It's about thriving.

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And so being able to be out, to be safe, to be fully living in their authentic selves,

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especially as they age is just so fundamental to our basic identity and health, right?

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And I think when you have folks who have often had to be closeted most of their lives, who

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maybe didn't have the opportunity to come out until their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, even, our

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job is really to let people know like you're in a safe space.

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And now you can be here and you can be who you are and we can celebrate it.

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And acknowledge that there's challenges, right?

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And we see higher levels still at employment discrimination, housing discrimination, safety

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issues.

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These are all very pressing for folks even today, even in Portland, you know, which has a

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very queer, safe kind of vibe and culture.

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What we see is that a lot of that, especially when we're talking about older adults, is not

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coming through in systems to actually support them, right?

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So it's, oh, in Portland, we're so gay friendly and this is a place people can come and be

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themselves.

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Oh, but there's no actual like systems of support for that.

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So, you know, there's this big disconnect and that can be really challenging as people

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age and need more support and services.

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Yeah.

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And I think it's important that we bring the humanity into this.

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These are real people.

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They're, they're, they're, and I think sometimes when we talk about labels and we talk about,

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you know, putting people in silos is that they become less human, if you will.

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And I think we got to get to this place in our culture and our society that we begin

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to look at all people at, and they all have needs.

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They all have some of the same aspirations.

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So my question to you is, you know, working inside of the, you know, the communities is,

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what is the main difference between a senior that lives in the LGBTQ+ community and a senior

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that is more heterosexual community?

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What are, because I think seniors, it doesn't matter where you're coming from, there's, there's

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going to be challenges.

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There's ageism.

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There, and it's across the board.

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And how is it different inside of the LGBTQ+ community?

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I mean, I think fundamentally, we have to get to this point where there is pride in identity,

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right?

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Because for so many of our older adults, for most of their lives, they were not able to

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have pride in their identities, right?

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They were closeted or if they weren't closeted, they were often mistreated horribly, right?

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Yeah.

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So how do you kind of overcome a lifetime of that in your older years to have a healthy,

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functioning, thriving life?

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So that's kind of the first part of it.

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The second part is, you know, if you look at the statistics, LGBTQ+ folks of this generation

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are more likely to have attained a higher level of education, yet have far fewer financial

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resources at this point in their life.

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And that is reflection directly from employment discrimination, right?

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We have folks who were, for example, teachers, but they could be out.

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They had to be closeted because you could literally be arrested, you know, at that point,

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and especially in education, we're talking about people around young children.

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And so they weren't able to progress their careers, you know, if one of our older adults

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talks a lot about, she worked in community colleges and it came out that she was a lesbian,

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and they actually continually just promoted her or didn't promote her or passed her over

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for promotion.

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And so eventually she had to change her career path, right?

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Because she was like, there's this is a dead end.

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So they didn't have the opportunity to accumulate wealth and resources as much as their

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heterosexual peers.

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Another part is housing discrimination, right, of you don't get offered housing, you live

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in maybe the less desirable areas or the places that maybe aren't quite as safe.

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And so how that manifests as an older adult is that your housing situation might not be

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nearly as stable.

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Also our LGBTQ+ older adults are statistically less likely to be married and less likely

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to have children.

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So again, how that manifests as an older adult is that they don't have the care systems

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in place, the familial care systems that many of their heterosexual peers do have.

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So there's some real systemic challenges.

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And they're not married, even though everything has changed.

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And they still haven't adapted or they still, why aren't they married when it's more acceptable

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today?

285
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I think specifically for the older adult generation it was really kind of seen as something

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that was never available to them, right?

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Like in the years when the vast majority of folks are getting married, 20s, 30s, maybe

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second marriages in their 40s, it was not legal.

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And so now in their older years it's like, oh, well, I mean, I've been with my partner

290
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for 40 years, but what's the point, right?

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Or folks have gotten married.

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And so now they do have that legal and financial protection, but are constantly worried about,

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will it be taken away, right?

294
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Will that right be taken away from me?

295
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And I think that that's something that all of us in our society need to worry about, right?

296
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Like once these sort of fundamental personal choices start to be chipped away and taken

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away, that affects all of us.

298
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Yeah.

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And so inside, we were talking about some of the obstacles that senior, senior's face as

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00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:43,020
they age in that low population of being married, but they're still together as partners,

301
00:21:43,020 --> 00:21:44,020
correct?

302
00:21:44,020 --> 00:21:45,020
Yeah.

303
00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:46,020
Yeah.

304
00:21:46,020 --> 00:21:50,060
And one of the things that we see a lot of actually on the sort of bright side of things is

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00:21:50,060 --> 00:21:55,340
that within the LGBT people's older adult population, there's a much higher level of resiliency.

306
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Because again, these are folks who have had to be resilient throughout their lives.

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00:22:01,060 --> 00:22:04,940
And there's a much higher rate of chosen family, right?

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So even if you don't necessarily have children to take care of you, you do have your long-term

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partner, or you've got your close-knit group of friends and everybody takes care of each

310
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other.

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So having that informal chosen family piece is a huge, huge asset within the LGBT+ community.

312
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:24,060
Yeah.

313
00:22:24,060 --> 00:22:33,940
I'm confused by that there's a higher rate of suicide amongst the LGBT+ community in older

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00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:40,860
seniors, but yet at the same time, you just mentioned that they're more resilient.

315
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:48,220
And you would think that usually when groups are persecuted, minorities, they tend to

316
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congregate together and they become stronger, you know, is a bond and inside of their community

317
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and find ways to be resilient like you were talking about and adapting.

318
00:23:03,420 --> 00:23:06,620
So how does those two work together?

319
00:23:06,620 --> 00:23:07,620
Yeah.

320
00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:13,060
I mean, I think, you know, like you mentioned in any sort of marginalized or oppressed community,

321
00:23:13,060 --> 00:23:17,500
there's also a lot of internalized homophobia, right?

322
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:24,100
So we, for example, we help run the resident services at the first ever in the state of

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Oregon, older adult, LGBTQ+ affordable housing complex, 54 units, small, but it's a huge

324
00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:33,860
step in the right direction.

325
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But it's affordable housing, so it's available and open to anyone.

326
00:23:37,260 --> 00:23:42,620
But our services are specific to culturally LGBTQ+ services, right?

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So we celebrate pride, we make sure that we have lots of rainbow flags, like this is a place

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where people can be out and proud if they choose.

329
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But there's also a place where it's a community, so not everybody there identified as LGBTQ+,

330
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right?

331
00:23:56,100 --> 00:24:02,380
I recently had a, just to me, a heartbreaking conversation with the gentleman who was really

332
00:24:02,380 --> 00:24:05,220
kind of espelting a lot of homophobic ideas, right?

333
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And it was challenging.

334
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And then I find out he's actually a member of the LGBT+ community.

335
00:24:12,180 --> 00:24:16,660
So there's a lot of, you know, if you spend the vast majority of your life being told that

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there's something wrong with you that you need to be in the closet, that, you know, you

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need to pray, whatever it is, these very impressive messages that people get, even as an

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older adult, even when you're in a place that is supportive and saying, hey, let's, you know,

339
00:24:31,140 --> 00:24:36,340
be out and proud, all of that messaging and all of that oppression from those years and

340
00:24:36,340 --> 00:24:39,060
years doesn't just fall away.

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And so I think that's a huge part of it as well of, you know, you might be living in an incredibly

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gay, friendly state in a queer, friendly city in an LGBTQ+ building, but still have intense

343
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shame, internalized over who you are.

344
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And that's really hard to help overcome.

345
00:25:00,540 --> 00:25:01,540
Yeah.

346
00:25:01,540 --> 00:25:05,060
And that's true with, with many minorities, absolutely.

347
00:25:05,060 --> 00:25:12,260
And it does matter if you're LGBTQ or whether you're indigenous or whether, you know, Jewish

348
00:25:12,260 --> 00:25:17,100
community or, I mean, on and on, it goes, the minorities typically.

349
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:25,020
And so these are all, you know, things that minorities deal with and yet at the same time,

350
00:25:25,020 --> 00:25:28,740
they can become stronger as a result of that.

351
00:25:28,740 --> 00:25:31,380
And it really comes down to community, doesn't it?

352
00:25:31,380 --> 00:25:32,380
Yeah.

353
00:25:32,380 --> 00:25:33,380
It really does.

354
00:25:33,380 --> 00:25:34,380
Yeah.

355
00:25:34,380 --> 00:25:38,740
And having, you know, I mean, there's so much research on this for older adults, but isolation

356
00:25:38,740 --> 00:25:42,540
is just as dangerous as smokey, for example, right?

357
00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:46,820
We are social creatures and we are meant to be with others.

358
00:25:46,820 --> 00:25:51,620
And when that has been taken away from us or we can't access it for whatever reason, it's

359
00:25:51,620 --> 00:25:53,260
incredibly damaging.

360
00:25:53,260 --> 00:25:57,820
And then, you know, on top of it, you put the fact that most of the folks that we're serving

361
00:25:57,820 --> 00:26:00,700
are the very lowest income earners.

362
00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:05,020
So that additional just constant day-to-day stress of can I pay my rent?

363
00:26:05,020 --> 00:26:09,380
I can't afford to go to the doctor, you know, where's my food coming from?

364
00:26:09,380 --> 00:26:13,180
That all compounds and we do see high levels of depression.

365
00:26:13,180 --> 00:26:14,180
Yeah.

366
00:26:14,180 --> 00:26:15,180
Yeah.

367
00:26:15,180 --> 00:26:21,940
Did you know that Oregon has the largest LGBTQ+ population per capita in the nation?

368
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Our LGBTQ+ older adults are more likely to live at or below 200% federal poverty level.

369
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Help be married, partnered, or have children.

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Live alone.

371
00:26:35,740 --> 00:26:39,220
Have a higher number of chronic conditions.

372
00:26:39,220 --> 00:26:45,340
Higher levels of discrimination in employment, housing, medical settings, and public places.

373
00:26:45,340 --> 00:26:48,820
Have elevated rates of suicide ideation.

374
00:26:48,820 --> 00:26:53,900
As a group LGBTQ+ older adults are also more likely to have chosen family connections

375
00:26:53,900 --> 00:26:59,860
in formal networks of support and higher levels of resiliency than their heterosexual peers.

376
00:26:59,860 --> 00:27:03,700
How much did you know segment was brought to you by this week's guest and sponsored by Royal

377
00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:05,700
Hospice Oregon?

378
00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:09,780
Yeah, and that's true with many minorities.

379
00:27:09,780 --> 00:27:10,780
Absolutely.

380
00:27:10,780 --> 00:27:18,020
And it doesn't matter if you're LGBTQ or whether you're indigenous or whether you know Jewish

381
00:27:18,020 --> 00:27:22,860
community or I mean, on and on, it goes the minorities typically.

382
00:27:22,860 --> 00:27:30,780
And so these are all, you know, things that minorities deal with and yet at the same time,

383
00:27:30,780 --> 00:27:34,500
they can become stronger as a result of that.

384
00:27:34,500 --> 00:27:37,180
And it really comes down to community, doesn't it?

385
00:27:37,180 --> 00:27:38,180
Yeah.

386
00:27:38,180 --> 00:27:39,180
It really does.

387
00:27:39,180 --> 00:27:40,180
Yeah.

388
00:27:40,180 --> 00:27:41,180
Yeah.

389
00:27:41,180 --> 00:27:43,860
I think having, you know, I mean, there's so much research on this for older adults that

390
00:27:43,860 --> 00:27:48,260
isolation is just as dangerous as smokey, for example, right?

391
00:27:48,260 --> 00:27:52,580
We are social creatures and we are meant to be with others.

392
00:27:52,580 --> 00:27:57,380
And when that has been taken away from us or we can't access it for whatever reason, it's

393
00:27:57,380 --> 00:27:59,020
incredibly damaging.

394
00:27:59,020 --> 00:28:03,620
And then, you know, on top of it, you put the fact that most of the folks that we're serving

395
00:28:03,620 --> 00:28:06,460
are the very lowest income earners.

396
00:28:06,460 --> 00:28:10,780
So that additional just constant day to day stress of can I pay my rent?

397
00:28:10,780 --> 00:28:12,460
I can't afford to go to the doctor.

398
00:28:12,460 --> 00:28:15,180
You know, where's my food coming from?

399
00:28:15,180 --> 00:28:18,780
That all compounds and we do see the high levels of depression.

400
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:19,780
Yeah.

401
00:28:19,780 --> 00:28:26,260
And I think some of the obstacles that we've been talking about are really important to identify.

402
00:28:26,260 --> 00:28:30,940
But the other thing that I think is important for us also to have a discussion about are some

403
00:28:30,940 --> 00:28:37,300
of the needs that this senior population has and we kind of touch on a little bit and that

404
00:28:37,300 --> 00:28:39,300
is affordable housing.

405
00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:45,820
And that's one of my greatest concerns is that we give people the options and it doesn't

406
00:28:45,820 --> 00:28:52,660
matter whether you're straight or whether you're part of the LGBT plus community.

407
00:28:52,660 --> 00:28:58,860
It's still something that as seniors, we need, you know, we need to take care of our most

408
00:28:58,860 --> 00:29:04,740
vulnerable in our society because that's a direct indication of how healthy our society

409
00:29:04,740 --> 00:29:05,740
is.

410
00:29:05,740 --> 00:29:09,100
Are we going to take care of the most vulnerable?

411
00:29:09,100 --> 00:29:13,540
And seniors are one of our most vulnerable populations.

412
00:29:13,540 --> 00:29:14,540
Yeah.

413
00:29:14,540 --> 00:29:20,020
And what we're actually seeing now too specifically in the metro area is a rising rate of older

414
00:29:20,020 --> 00:29:22,620
adults who are experiencing homelessness.

415
00:29:22,620 --> 00:29:27,620
And that is terrifying to me because we know that folks who are living on the streets and

416
00:29:27,620 --> 00:29:36,020
are on-house have much higher rates of violent crime, drug use, suicide, death.

417
00:29:36,020 --> 00:29:37,740
It's unsafe for anyone.

418
00:29:37,740 --> 00:29:42,620
And then if you are an older adult, it is that much worse for you.

419
00:29:42,620 --> 00:29:48,660
And it is heartbreaking to hear a 70 year old woman who's sleeping in her car.

420
00:29:48,660 --> 00:29:50,860
It is, that's ridiculous.

421
00:29:50,860 --> 00:29:52,020
That should never happen.

422
00:29:52,020 --> 00:29:58,220
And I think one of the problems I see is that from elected officials, from people in leadership

423
00:29:58,220 --> 00:29:59,660
is it's a numbers game, right?

424
00:29:59,660 --> 00:30:02,500
Like, oh, we got this many people off the streets last month.

425
00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:03,820
Okay, great.

426
00:30:03,820 --> 00:30:07,500
But does that mean that they're actually stably, safely housed?

427
00:30:07,500 --> 00:30:08,500
Right?

428
00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:12,540
Because it takes a lot to make sure that people are supported.

429
00:30:12,540 --> 00:30:14,300
To remain housed.

430
00:30:14,300 --> 00:30:18,820
And you know, you could say, oh, well, we put that transgender woman in affordable housing

431
00:30:18,820 --> 00:30:19,820
department.

432
00:30:19,820 --> 00:30:20,820
It's great.

433
00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:21,820
No problem.

434
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:22,820
It's done.

435
00:30:22,820 --> 00:30:23,620
Well, maybe her neighbor is transphobic.

436
00:30:23,620 --> 00:30:28,100
And maybe it's, you know, incredibly unsafe every time she leaves her front door.

437
00:30:28,100 --> 00:30:29,580
Is she safely housed?

438
00:30:29,580 --> 00:30:30,580
No.

439
00:30:30,580 --> 00:30:35,220
So it's multifaceted and it's not just a, we just need to get people off the street.

440
00:30:35,220 --> 00:30:36,220
Yes, absolutely.

441
00:30:36,220 --> 00:30:40,100
And we need to make sure that people are supported and safe.

442
00:30:40,100 --> 00:30:41,100
Yeah.

443
00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:47,980
Sometimes the political side, when we try to bring solutions on the political side, it

444
00:30:47,980 --> 00:30:53,500
frustrates me even more because they just exasperate the problem or they want the problem

445
00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:59,340
to persist because that's how they get reelected or somebody's making a lot of money because

446
00:30:59,340 --> 00:31:03,620
there's a lot of money being spent out there on homelessness.

447
00:31:03,620 --> 00:31:07,460
There's a lot of money being spent across the board.

448
00:31:07,460 --> 00:31:10,660
And yet we're still talking about some of the same issues.

449
00:31:10,660 --> 00:31:12,660
And that's the frustrating part for me.

450
00:31:12,660 --> 00:31:13,660
Yeah.

451
00:31:13,660 --> 00:31:15,740
And we're talking about homelessness specifically.

452
00:31:15,740 --> 00:31:19,980
You know, I get really concerned when I hear, okay, we're going to have, you know, sort of

453
00:31:19,980 --> 00:31:24,820
these sweeps and where everybody has a choice to either go into a shelter or be fined or

454
00:31:24,820 --> 00:31:29,820
go to jail or, you know, that's it because it's again so much more nuanced than that.

455
00:31:29,820 --> 00:31:34,940
You could say, you know, okay, again, let's use a, you know, transgender woman as an example,

456
00:31:34,940 --> 00:31:36,220
okay, hey, you can't sleep here.

457
00:31:36,220 --> 00:31:37,660
You've got to go to a shelter.

458
00:31:37,660 --> 00:31:39,500
And she says, well, where can I go?

459
00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:40,980
There's no shelter for me.

460
00:31:40,980 --> 00:31:43,820
There's no shelter that's specific or that's safe.

461
00:31:43,820 --> 00:31:49,140
And I'm actually safer in my car or on the streets than I am in some of these shelters.

462
00:31:49,140 --> 00:31:51,820
So again, it's not just a one-size-fits-all, right?

463
00:31:51,820 --> 00:31:52,820
And so it's so easy.

464
00:31:52,820 --> 00:31:54,140
People just need to get off the street.

465
00:31:54,140 --> 00:31:57,460
It's like, yeah, but where are they going to go?

466
00:31:57,460 --> 00:32:03,940
Sometimes I get a little frustrated with the politics or I get frustrated with the government

467
00:32:03,940 --> 00:32:08,180
solutions that they're not always the best solutions.

468
00:32:08,180 --> 00:32:14,100
And there's other solutions that maybe the private sector can be bringing.

469
00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:16,900
Talk a little bit about what you're experiencing.

470
00:32:16,900 --> 00:32:24,420
Is there a private sector partnership with the government and how does that look?

471
00:32:24,420 --> 00:32:27,700
Yeah, I mean, specifically about housing.

472
00:32:27,700 --> 00:32:34,740
So the community that we opened this year is actually, we had a very non-traditional route

473
00:32:34,740 --> 00:32:36,060
to becoming.

474
00:32:36,060 --> 00:32:42,380
So in partnership with Christ United Methodist Church, who had a huge lot out in Cedar

475
00:32:42,380 --> 00:32:45,820
Mills, and they said, "Cush, we want to do something, right?

476
00:32:45,820 --> 00:32:47,540
We want to put our faith into practice."

477
00:32:47,540 --> 00:32:50,860
And we know that housing is a huge need right now in our community.

478
00:32:50,860 --> 00:32:55,780
So let's take a chunk of our land holdings and create an affordable housing apartment

479
00:32:55,780 --> 00:32:57,180
building for folks.

480
00:32:57,180 --> 00:33:03,260
So they found a developer, so private and faith-based partnership, to say, hey, we want to create

481
00:33:03,260 --> 00:33:04,260
this.

482
00:33:04,260 --> 00:33:05,780
And not only do we want to create affordable housing, we want it to be a big, big, big, big

483
00:33:05,780 --> 00:33:10,540
one, we want it to be for older adults, and we want it to be for LGBTQ+ older adults.

484
00:33:10,540 --> 00:33:13,300
And then the housing developers think, great, we're on board.

485
00:33:13,300 --> 00:33:14,300
Let's do this.

486
00:33:14,300 --> 00:33:18,740
So they get friendly house involved with elder-pride services to say, okay, we want community

487
00:33:18,740 --> 00:33:22,780
input in the design, what do people need, what do they want to see.

488
00:33:22,780 --> 00:33:27,300
And then on an ongoing basis, we're providing the resident support services to make sure

489
00:33:27,300 --> 00:33:28,980
people can stay in there.

490
00:33:28,980 --> 00:33:34,580
So this is an example of faith-based partnership, private company, the developer, and then

491
00:33:34,580 --> 00:33:38,260
a nonprofit all come together to create this.

492
00:33:38,260 --> 00:33:41,060
And it has been very challenging, I will say.

493
00:33:41,060 --> 00:33:44,020
We're not able to access some government money in support.

494
00:33:44,020 --> 00:33:48,220
We were trying to get money for case managers specifically.

495
00:33:48,220 --> 00:33:52,740
And Washington County said, no, we're not going to give you the money because we don't think

496
00:33:52,740 --> 00:33:54,540
it needs to be culturally specific.

497
00:33:54,540 --> 00:33:56,900
It's like, okay, it does.

498
00:33:56,900 --> 00:34:00,900
And luckily, the church and the developer said, no, we are committed to the cultural

499
00:34:00,900 --> 00:34:06,900
specificity of this building, and we will not go backwards on that.

500
00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:09,140
And so because of that, we're not going to take this money.

501
00:34:09,140 --> 00:34:13,820
So to me, that was a really interesting example of when you run into government that says,

502
00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:16,460
oh, this doesn't really fit our model.

503
00:34:16,460 --> 00:34:18,940
So you just have to do it on your own.

504
00:34:18,940 --> 00:34:21,860
And that's when the private money really becomes important.

505
00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:24,940
So it's a fascinating case study.

506
00:34:24,940 --> 00:34:27,340
And how did you get this building up and going?

507
00:34:27,340 --> 00:34:30,460
And I always tell people, it was not our traditional route.

508
00:34:30,460 --> 00:34:38,820
And do you see a model coming together where there's a combination of private and government

509
00:34:38,820 --> 00:34:41,060
agencies coming together?

510
00:34:41,060 --> 00:34:44,220
And is that the solution for the future?

511
00:34:44,220 --> 00:34:49,180
I mean, I think it has to be for now because the systems that we're working and we're talking

512
00:34:49,180 --> 00:34:53,260
about like county government were built decades ago.

513
00:34:53,260 --> 00:34:54,900
They were not built for now.

514
00:34:54,900 --> 00:34:56,940
And we know county does not move.

515
00:34:56,940 --> 00:34:58,740
Government does not tend to move very quickly, right?

516
00:34:58,740 --> 00:35:03,020
And so I think what we're seeing is a lot of people saying, gosh, there's a huge problem.

517
00:35:03,020 --> 00:35:04,580
We have the ability to fix this.

518
00:35:04,580 --> 00:35:06,540
Let's just do it on our own.

519
00:35:06,540 --> 00:35:10,740
And that's good for now because it's happening, but is it sustainable in the long run?

520
00:35:10,740 --> 00:35:12,820
Probably not.

521
00:35:12,820 --> 00:35:14,940
How do you take the politics out of it?

522
00:35:14,940 --> 00:35:21,940
I mean, when I mean the politics, I mean, not just on the government side, but the politics

523
00:35:21,940 --> 00:35:28,460
of how people see the gay community, how people see aging.

524
00:35:28,460 --> 00:35:34,820
Because I think there's there's ageism across the board and we're not taking care of our senior

525
00:35:34,820 --> 00:35:36,820
population yet.

526
00:35:36,820 --> 00:35:44,940
73 million of us baby boomers, you know, we're aging and we're the second largest community

527
00:35:44,940 --> 00:35:47,060
in the United States.

528
00:35:47,060 --> 00:35:51,060
So there's got to be some impact.

529
00:35:51,060 --> 00:35:53,420
And what does that impact look like?

530
00:35:53,420 --> 00:35:58,420
And as I'm listening to you talk, I mean, we both live in Oregon.

531
00:35:58,420 --> 00:36:03,260
Which is probably the more progressive of all the states out there.

532
00:36:03,260 --> 00:36:08,500
You know, when it comes to the LGBT plus community, because you mentioned, Moellan McKowney,

533
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:14,700
meaning Portland has the most population anywhere in the United States.

534
00:36:14,700 --> 00:36:20,500
And there's a reason because it's more friendly toward that population.

535
00:36:20,500 --> 00:36:26,780
Yet at the same time, we're not solving any problems.

536
00:36:26,780 --> 00:36:29,100
How do you reconcile all that?

537
00:36:29,100 --> 00:36:35,380
What do you go to bed at night thinking about and, you know, putting all this together?

538
00:36:35,380 --> 00:36:38,820
It's got to be frustrating for you because I can see it.

539
00:36:38,820 --> 00:36:43,180
That's what drew me to you is that you're a very passionate person.

540
00:36:43,180 --> 00:36:45,740
You have a lot of compassion.

541
00:36:45,740 --> 00:36:52,420
And I wanted you to come on aging today because we're all human beings.

542
00:36:52,420 --> 00:36:53,620
We all need love.

543
00:36:53,620 --> 00:36:55,500
We all need that support.

544
00:36:55,500 --> 00:36:57,980
We all need to be recognized.

545
00:36:57,980 --> 00:37:01,060
And yet, we're struggling with that.

546
00:37:01,060 --> 00:37:02,060
Yeah.

547
00:37:02,060 --> 00:37:09,020
Yeah, I mean, I think fundamentally, it is just seeing that inherent human dignity, right?

548
00:37:09,020 --> 00:37:13,420
Every single one of us inherently has dignity because we're humans.

549
00:37:13,420 --> 00:37:16,060
And we have to treat each other that way.

550
00:37:16,060 --> 00:37:21,780
And I think what we're seeing is, and when we talk to our older adult participants, you

551
00:37:21,780 --> 00:37:23,220
know, there's a lot of fear.

552
00:37:23,220 --> 00:37:26,460
A lot of, okay, are we going back now, right?

553
00:37:26,460 --> 00:37:29,140
Like, do we need to go back into the closet?

554
00:37:29,140 --> 00:37:33,620
And that's as an entire community, but also on an individual level, right?

555
00:37:33,620 --> 00:37:38,060
So you've got somebody who's going into hospice care or somebody who's going into a skilled

556
00:37:38,060 --> 00:37:39,380
facility.

557
00:37:39,380 --> 00:37:43,540
And they're like, gosh, I don't know if I can be out here because I don't know how I'm

558
00:37:43,540 --> 00:37:44,780
going to be treated, right?

559
00:37:44,780 --> 00:37:45,780
Will I be respectful?

560
00:37:45,780 --> 00:37:47,380
Will they use my pronouns correctly?

561
00:37:47,380 --> 00:37:50,700
Will they let me, you know, use the bathroom I need to use?

562
00:37:50,700 --> 00:37:56,860
Again, that fundamental human need that we all have for safety and for respect.

563
00:37:56,860 --> 00:38:02,500
And you know, what keeps me going with it is that, you know, we all have a responsibility

564
00:38:02,500 --> 00:38:03,820
towards that.

565
00:38:03,820 --> 00:38:06,260
Some people clearly don't see it.

566
00:38:06,260 --> 00:38:10,740
So for those of us that do see it, we have to move it even further, right?

567
00:38:10,740 --> 00:38:15,420
And we have to be the people out there saying, that's not okay or this is beautiful and

568
00:38:15,420 --> 00:38:17,140
we're going to celebrate it, right?

569
00:38:17,140 --> 00:38:22,660
And I think what sort of my social work background is what kind of keeps me going, right?

570
00:38:22,660 --> 00:38:25,740
Because I remember going to school for social work and friends saying, you're not going to

571
00:38:25,740 --> 00:38:27,620
like solve the world's problems, right?

572
00:38:27,620 --> 00:38:30,620
And I was like, I can help one person a day.

573
00:38:30,620 --> 00:38:31,620
It's worth it.

574
00:38:31,620 --> 00:38:34,660
It's like I'm one person out here trying to make it a little bit better.

575
00:38:34,660 --> 00:38:39,940
And we can all do that in our community with our neighbors and their friends and our families

576
00:38:39,940 --> 00:38:44,660
and our workplaces to just be the person that makes someone's life just a little bit better

577
00:38:44,660 --> 00:38:45,860
that day.

578
00:38:45,860 --> 00:38:48,180
And I think that's a huge part of it.

579
00:38:48,180 --> 00:38:52,180
That's a huge part of community and that's a huge part of a culture.

580
00:38:52,180 --> 00:38:53,860
And there's always going to be hate.

581
00:38:53,860 --> 00:39:00,380
There's always going to be people who are unwilling to learn or be curious.

582
00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:02,700
And that's not going to change.

583
00:39:02,700 --> 00:39:08,180
And I think by being able to elevate the voices of folks who are having experiences that

584
00:39:08,180 --> 00:39:12,500
are different than the vast majority is, we can all learn from each other, right?

585
00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:15,780
I think whenever I go into aging spaces, I always have to

586
00:39:15,780 --> 00:39:19,340
say, hey, let's not forget about our LGBTQ+ older adults, right?

587
00:39:19,340 --> 00:39:23,340
Because we see older adults as not having gender or sexuality, right?

588
00:39:23,340 --> 00:39:28,380
And when I'm in queer spaces, I'm always like, hey, don't forget about the older adults.

589
00:39:28,380 --> 00:39:32,540
They're here, and they're out and they're excited to be a part of this.

590
00:39:32,540 --> 00:39:36,860
And so that's a huge part of my job is just bringing visibility to people.

591
00:39:36,860 --> 00:39:43,260
>> Yeah, I think that's a big challenge for all the populations and especially among seniors

592
00:39:43,260 --> 00:39:52,940
is just because somebody is in their 70s, 80s, they don't stop feeling their sexuality.

593
00:39:52,940 --> 00:39:56,060
They don't stop feeling intimacy.

594
00:39:56,060 --> 00:40:00,620
They don't stop feeling their identity and who they are.

595
00:40:00,620 --> 00:40:10,820
In fact, if anything, as we age, I become stronger in my identity of who I am, and I'm proud

596
00:40:10,820 --> 00:40:12,820
to announce who I am.

597
00:40:12,820 --> 00:40:13,820
>> Yeah.

598
00:40:13,820 --> 00:40:18,700
>> And I say the heck with everybody else, you often hear that among seniors is they lose

599
00:40:18,700 --> 00:40:19,700
their filters.

600
00:40:19,700 --> 00:40:20,700
It's true.

601
00:40:20,700 --> 00:40:22,700
You do lose your filters.

602
00:40:22,700 --> 00:40:24,020
>> For better and worse.

603
00:40:24,020 --> 00:40:29,060
>> Yeah, sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not so good.

604
00:40:29,060 --> 00:40:30,700
>> I agree, I agree.

605
00:40:30,700 --> 00:40:34,980
I think it is, that's the whole point, that's the beauty of aging, right?

606
00:40:34,980 --> 00:40:36,140
It is such a gift.

607
00:40:36,140 --> 00:40:40,380
We should all be that fortunate to be able to age, right?

608
00:40:40,380 --> 00:40:44,860
And to be able to celebrate it and hopefully have a time in life that is more focused on

609
00:40:44,860 --> 00:40:49,620
us, right, on our interests, on who we want to be with and where we want to be.

610
00:40:49,620 --> 00:40:51,860
I mean, that's what we should all aspire to.

611
00:40:51,860 --> 00:40:57,500
And so the idea of ageism that you suddenly become invisible after the age of 50 or whatever

612
00:40:57,500 --> 00:41:00,100
is just outdated and ridiculous.

613
00:41:00,100 --> 00:41:01,100
>> Yeah.

614
00:41:01,100 --> 00:41:06,580
One of the things that we've been talking about is some of the needs that the senior population

615
00:41:06,580 --> 00:41:12,740
and the LGBT+ community has is affordable housing.

616
00:41:12,740 --> 00:41:20,980
But the other thing that they face probably at a higher level than the general population

617
00:41:20,980 --> 00:41:23,740
out there is isolation.

618
00:41:23,740 --> 00:41:28,260
And I think you've touched on that a little bit and I want you to touch on a little more

619
00:41:28,260 --> 00:41:30,620
to bring that awareness.

620
00:41:30,620 --> 00:41:38,940
How is it different being in one of those communities as opposed to the general population?

621
00:41:38,940 --> 00:41:43,980
>> Yeah, I mean, isolation for older adults in general is a huge problem, right?

622
00:41:43,980 --> 00:41:50,060
We know that there are both emotional, mental, and physical effects of being isolated as

623
00:41:50,060 --> 00:41:51,380
we age.

624
00:41:51,380 --> 00:41:56,620
And so having, you know, for example, thriving senior centers and communities is incredibly

625
00:41:56,620 --> 00:41:58,100
important.

626
00:41:58,100 --> 00:42:04,740
So you've gotten that and now let's say you are an LGBT+ older adult, you constantly wonder

627
00:42:04,740 --> 00:42:06,460
walking into those spaces.

628
00:42:06,460 --> 00:42:08,700
Is this going to be a safe space for me, right?

629
00:42:08,700 --> 00:42:12,660
So not only are you facing the whole like, oh, I'm going into a new space and I might not

630
00:42:12,660 --> 00:42:16,260
know anyone and you know, that can be uncomfortable for just about anyone.

631
00:42:16,260 --> 00:42:22,020
But now on top of it, because of who you are, you have an added layer of, will I be accepted?

632
00:42:22,020 --> 00:42:23,500
Will people talk to me?

633
00:42:23,500 --> 00:42:25,980
Will the staff treat me well?

634
00:42:25,980 --> 00:42:30,980
And so it can become an even bigger barrier for folks to try to overcome, right, to get

635
00:42:30,980 --> 00:42:33,180
engaged to be out in community.

636
00:42:33,180 --> 00:42:39,660
And so for us, and then I'll also add too, within the LGBT+ community, there's often a

637
00:42:39,660 --> 00:42:41,540
focus on youth.

638
00:42:41,540 --> 00:42:48,420
And so even within the queer community, our older adults can often go unseen, unnoticed,

639
00:42:48,420 --> 00:42:49,580
and are invisible.

640
00:42:49,580 --> 00:42:53,740
And so there's this double invisibility that they face.

641
00:42:53,740 --> 00:42:56,460
So for us at Eldebride Services, it's really important.

642
00:42:56,460 --> 00:43:00,420
Our foundation of what we do is combating social isolation.

643
00:43:00,420 --> 00:43:04,780
So it's having programming for people, you know, that's free.

644
00:43:04,780 --> 00:43:05,980
We offer food.

645
00:43:05,980 --> 00:43:06,980
We have virtual.

646
00:43:06,980 --> 00:43:07,980
We have in person.

647
00:43:07,980 --> 00:43:13,020
We're all over the city, all over the metro area, just to try to remove as many barriers

648
00:43:13,020 --> 00:43:19,580
as possible to get people out and with each other, you know, it's like, please just come

649
00:43:19,580 --> 00:43:21,100
to the event.

650
00:43:21,100 --> 00:43:24,820
I promise the coffee social, all you have to do is show up and sit down.

651
00:43:24,820 --> 00:43:25,820
That's it.

652
00:43:25,820 --> 00:43:26,820
People will talk to you.

653
00:43:26,820 --> 00:43:29,140
And it's okay, you don't have to explain your identity.

654
00:43:29,140 --> 00:43:30,740
You don't have to be closeted.

655
00:43:30,740 --> 00:43:34,660
You can choose to be around peers in a safe setting.

656
00:43:34,660 --> 00:43:39,020
And it kind of just, it removes a lot of that social anxiety for folks who are trying to

657
00:43:39,020 --> 00:43:40,020
engage.

658
00:43:40,020 --> 00:43:41,020
Yeah.

659
00:43:41,020 --> 00:43:42,020
How do you get them there?

660
00:43:42,020 --> 00:43:47,820
So because a lot of seniors are not as mobile and they don't have the ability to drive.

661
00:43:47,820 --> 00:43:53,380
And I'm assuming that you're holding an event in a centralized location, you know, wherever

662
00:43:53,380 --> 00:43:55,180
that may be.

663
00:43:55,180 --> 00:44:00,900
And yet you've got this, you know, network of people that live inside this community, but

664
00:44:00,900 --> 00:44:05,060
they could be three, four, five, ten miles away.

665
00:44:05,060 --> 00:44:07,220
How do you approach that?

666
00:44:07,220 --> 00:44:09,940
How do you get them there?

667
00:44:09,940 --> 00:44:13,060
And additionally, I'm going to add in there to the mobility issues, right?

668
00:44:13,060 --> 00:44:17,780
As we age, we often have physical limitations that can make it more challenging for us.

669
00:44:17,780 --> 00:44:21,340
To walk or, you know, use public transportation or drive.

670
00:44:21,340 --> 00:44:25,300
So we really try to be mindful of all of those barriers, right?

671
00:44:25,300 --> 00:44:29,620
We make sure that our programming is, I always say it's kind of the golden hour of between

672
00:44:29,620 --> 00:44:33,660
about 11 and four because we don't want to be too early for folks.

673
00:44:33,660 --> 00:44:35,940
I mean, certainly can't be too late for folks.

674
00:44:35,940 --> 00:44:39,020
And so timing is a huge part of it.

675
00:44:39,020 --> 00:44:41,940
We try to have events in a variety of places, right?

676
00:44:41,940 --> 00:44:46,300
So if you live on the east side, you're not constantly having to come to the west side.

677
00:44:46,300 --> 00:44:51,140
We also really make sure that our events are held in places that have easy access to public

678
00:44:51,140 --> 00:44:55,540
transportation because we know a lot of our folks, especially our lowest income earners,

679
00:44:55,540 --> 00:44:59,020
are really dependent on public transportation.

680
00:44:59,020 --> 00:45:02,980
Additionally, we know that for older adults in our area, there are certain other resources,

681
00:45:02,980 --> 00:45:05,740
like ride connections, trim it, lift, things like that.

682
00:45:05,740 --> 00:45:10,860
And so if folks are interested in coming, but transportation is a barrier, we send them

683
00:45:10,860 --> 00:45:14,860
to our case managers, our information and referral specialists to make sure that they know

684
00:45:14,860 --> 00:45:17,380
their resources and get connected to them.

685
00:45:17,380 --> 00:45:20,180
So it's another big part of it.

686
00:45:20,180 --> 00:45:23,900
What about senior centers?

687
00:45:23,900 --> 00:45:26,860
Because most communities have a senior center.

688
00:45:26,860 --> 00:45:35,900
Are they open to receiving the LGBTQ+ community inside of their four walls?

689
00:45:35,900 --> 00:45:40,580
That is so specific, honestly, on the staffing of each center.

690
00:45:40,580 --> 00:45:44,780
And so we know here in Portland, for example, we partner with quite a few of the local

691
00:45:44,780 --> 00:45:46,380
community centers.

692
00:45:46,380 --> 00:45:50,460
We're having a Valentine's Day dance at the Hollywood Senior Center, Community for Positive

693
00:45:50,460 --> 00:45:54,620
Aging, where we have our EPS participants in, right?

694
00:45:54,620 --> 00:46:01,020
So there are same-sex couples dancing together, having a good time, at a traditional senior

695
00:46:01,020 --> 00:46:02,020
center.

696
00:46:02,020 --> 00:46:04,500
So we try to partner as much as we can.

697
00:46:04,500 --> 00:46:10,540
We try to do staff trainings, presentations of, you know, hey, people might not be out to

698
00:46:10,540 --> 00:46:11,540
you.

699
00:46:11,540 --> 00:46:17,900
So, statistically, we can guarantee that even in this small town in rural Oregon, you have

700
00:46:17,900 --> 00:46:19,860
some LGBTQ+ folks here.

701
00:46:19,860 --> 00:46:22,860
And so how do you create a positive and welcoming environment, right?

702
00:46:22,860 --> 00:46:23,860
So-

703
00:46:23,860 --> 00:46:28,140
Do you see yourself as the connector in the community where you go out and bridge the

704
00:46:28,140 --> 00:46:29,940
different organizations?

705
00:46:29,940 --> 00:46:33,900
I'm thinking of faith-based churches, you know, because you mentioned the night.

706
00:46:33,900 --> 00:46:34,900
Yeah.

707
00:46:34,900 --> 00:46:36,740
Was it the Christ United Methodist?

708
00:46:36,740 --> 00:46:37,740
Christ United Methodist, yeah.

709
00:46:37,740 --> 00:46:45,580
And I'm sure there's other faith-based communities out there that would be receiving those populations

710
00:46:45,580 --> 00:46:46,820
with open arms.

711
00:46:46,820 --> 00:46:51,980
And I'm sure that there's others that are a little standoffish.

712
00:46:51,980 --> 00:46:55,940
But that's where you see yourself.

713
00:46:55,940 --> 00:47:02,500
And maybe the inspiration that I'm hoping from this conversation today, because this is

714
00:47:02,500 --> 00:47:09,740
a broadcast that goes to all 50 states, you know, that maybe some other person will be

715
00:47:09,740 --> 00:47:17,900
inspired by you and begin to, you know, duplicate what you've done here in Portland.

716
00:47:17,900 --> 00:47:18,900
Yeah, absolutely.

717
00:47:18,900 --> 00:47:22,580
I mean, a big part of what we do is outreach, right?

718
00:47:22,580 --> 00:47:27,380
So, tabling at Pride events, for example, or tabling at aging events.

719
00:47:27,380 --> 00:47:32,940
And then another big part of what we do is if folks or groups or, you know, companies come

720
00:47:32,940 --> 00:47:38,060
to us and say, "Gosh, I would love some training," you know, or, "I know we have a gentleman

721
00:47:38,060 --> 00:47:42,860
in our nursing home who is gay, but I've got some staff members who don't want to know

722
00:47:42,860 --> 00:47:43,860
what to do."

723
00:47:43,860 --> 00:47:47,020
So, that's where I come in and have those conversations.

724
00:47:47,020 --> 00:47:53,180
And I always let people know, if you are coming from a place of curiosity and compassion,

725
00:47:53,180 --> 00:47:54,700
you cannot go wrong, right?

726
00:47:54,700 --> 00:47:56,580
It's okay to not know.

727
00:47:56,580 --> 00:48:01,660
It's okay to not know the language or terms or whatever, but if you're open to wanting

728
00:48:01,660 --> 00:48:07,060
to know and wanting to do better, people see that and they respond accordingly, right?

729
00:48:07,060 --> 00:48:13,500
So, even if you live in a community in, you know, a very rural, red state, if you again

730
00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:19,260
are that one person who can offer a safe space, that can be life-changing for people.

731
00:48:19,260 --> 00:48:20,860
Yeah, yeah.

732
00:48:20,860 --> 00:48:27,420
And I think that's important also to let people inside of the heterosexual community to

733
00:48:27,420 --> 00:48:31,940
know, just like you said, just remain curious.

734
00:48:31,940 --> 00:48:37,980
Be available, make yourself present, you know, when you're talking to somebody.

735
00:48:37,980 --> 00:48:41,060
And don't worry about if you use the wrong term.

736
00:48:41,060 --> 00:48:48,140
I mean, that, I think that's what is kind of concerning in our culture today that if

737
00:48:48,140 --> 00:48:53,820
you don't use the right language, then you're canceled or whatever.

738
00:48:53,820 --> 00:49:02,620
And I think that that needs to change on the other side so that we're more inclusive

739
00:49:02,620 --> 00:49:07,780
and tolerant of people's beliefs and whether they're right or wrong.

740
00:49:07,780 --> 00:49:08,780
Yeah.

741
00:49:08,780 --> 00:49:12,220
Well, and I think, you know, learning from our mistakes too, right?

742
00:49:12,220 --> 00:49:13,220
Yeah.

743
00:49:13,220 --> 00:49:17,940
And use the wrong term or the incorrect pronoun and the person corrects you.

744
00:49:17,940 --> 00:49:19,660
Oh, I'm so sorry.

745
00:49:19,660 --> 00:49:22,100
You know, thank you for letting me know and you move on, right?

746
00:49:22,100 --> 00:49:27,020
Like, we don't have to sort of beat each other up over this, but we do have to be open

747
00:49:27,020 --> 00:49:28,020
and compassionate.

748
00:49:28,020 --> 00:49:29,020
Yeah.

749
00:49:29,020 --> 00:49:30,020
Yeah.

750
00:49:30,020 --> 00:49:31,020
Yeah.

751
00:49:31,020 --> 00:49:34,220
I think, you know, being from the boomer generation myself, I don't understand the whole

752
00:49:34,220 --> 00:49:35,220
pronoun thing.

753
00:49:35,220 --> 00:49:37,820
It doesn't make any sense to me.

754
00:49:37,820 --> 00:49:40,620
It's more of a younger generational thing.

755
00:49:40,620 --> 00:49:47,940
And I've talked to even people that are in the LGBT community that don't understand it

756
00:49:47,940 --> 00:49:49,380
as well, that are my age.

757
00:49:49,380 --> 00:49:55,340
And it's more of a generational thing, you know, it's interesting.

758
00:49:55,340 --> 00:50:00,740
That's about where I want to leave it at that point because no matter what I say, it's

759
00:50:00,740 --> 00:50:02,060
going to be wrong.

760
00:50:02,060 --> 00:50:03,060
Potentially.

761
00:50:03,060 --> 00:50:06,900
And I think, you know, that's one of the reasons I say, follow the other person's language,

762
00:50:06,900 --> 00:50:07,900
right?

763
00:50:07,900 --> 00:50:09,620
What terms are they using?

764
00:50:09,620 --> 00:50:13,340
Those are going to be the terms that are safe to use with them in conversation, right?

765
00:50:13,340 --> 00:50:14,540
And ask the questions.

766
00:50:14,540 --> 00:50:15,860
Be curious.

767
00:50:15,860 --> 00:50:17,340
And adapt.

768
00:50:17,340 --> 00:50:26,380
I mean, you know, a lot of times, you know, it shows respect to another human being's dignity

769
00:50:26,380 --> 00:50:31,420
by being respectful if they want to use a pronoun or if they want to use something and

770
00:50:31,420 --> 00:50:33,660
they want you to utilize it.

771
00:50:33,660 --> 00:50:40,940
I mean, that's no different than if somebody asked me to, you know, not swear when I'm talking

772
00:50:40,940 --> 00:50:41,940
to them.

773
00:50:41,940 --> 00:50:44,420
And at a respect, I would not swear.

774
00:50:44,420 --> 00:50:45,420
Yeah.

775
00:50:45,420 --> 00:50:48,060
It costs us nothing, right?

776
00:50:48,060 --> 00:50:53,060
It costs us absolutely nothing to use someone's preferred pronoun, right?

777
00:50:53,060 --> 00:50:55,260
It's no skin off your back.

778
00:50:55,260 --> 00:51:02,060
And so I think, you know, remaining like you said, remaining open and remaining curious.

779
00:51:02,060 --> 00:51:08,580
And especially even as we age, right, it's really important for us to understand that things

780
00:51:08,580 --> 00:51:11,220
are changing and to have some connection with them still.

781
00:51:11,220 --> 00:51:13,180
I mean, I feel this even with my teenagers, right?

782
00:51:13,180 --> 00:51:15,180
Like they're using terms that I'm like, I don't, what is this?

783
00:51:15,180 --> 00:51:16,340
I don't even know what this means.

784
00:51:16,340 --> 00:51:17,340
Yeah.

785
00:51:17,340 --> 00:51:18,340
Yeah.

786
00:51:18,340 --> 00:51:19,340
Like, okay, but tell me more.

787
00:51:19,340 --> 00:51:20,820
What is happening on the internet these days?

788
00:51:20,820 --> 00:51:23,620
You know, so we see it in a browser life.

789
00:51:23,620 --> 00:51:24,620
Yeah.

790
00:51:24,620 --> 00:51:26,220
What goes around comes around.

791
00:51:26,220 --> 00:51:27,620
I mean, 100%.

792
00:51:27,620 --> 00:51:34,100
What we impose today will be imposed upon us tomorrow.

793
00:51:34,100 --> 00:51:35,100
So, yeah.

794
00:51:35,100 --> 00:51:42,780
And so it's going to test all of our abilities to be adaptable, resilient and being respectful

795
00:51:42,780 --> 00:51:49,100
of one another's, you know, place and space and identity.

796
00:51:49,100 --> 00:51:52,220
And that's just being kind to one another.

797
00:51:52,220 --> 00:51:55,340
What an interesting word kind is.

798
00:51:55,340 --> 00:51:56,340
Right.

799
00:51:56,340 --> 00:51:58,780
You know, if we could just relearn that.

800
00:51:58,780 --> 00:51:59,780
Yeah.

801
00:51:59,780 --> 00:52:05,380
Just, I mean, you don't know if you're the person on the bus who, you know, uses somebody's

802
00:52:05,380 --> 00:52:09,260
pronoun correctly, that can make their day, right?

803
00:52:09,260 --> 00:52:14,180
Like that could be the highlight of that day because they feel seen, they feel validated.

804
00:52:14,180 --> 00:52:15,780
You might not even ever know.

805
00:52:15,780 --> 00:52:17,500
And again, it costs you nothing.

806
00:52:17,500 --> 00:52:18,500
Yeah.

807
00:52:18,500 --> 00:52:20,940
So, I, you know, constant proponent for that.

808
00:52:20,940 --> 00:52:24,980
Well, one of the things that we always say on aging today is when you change the way

809
00:52:24,980 --> 00:52:27,780
you look at things, the things you look at change.

810
00:52:27,780 --> 00:52:31,020
So the responsibility is upon me.

811
00:52:31,020 --> 00:52:34,300
Each of us need to take that responsibility.

812
00:52:34,300 --> 00:52:41,980
And if we begin to see people through our lens of them being humans, human beings right

813
00:52:41,980 --> 00:52:44,860
alongside of me that we all want the same thing.

814
00:52:44,860 --> 00:52:46,540
We all want the same end result.

815
00:52:46,540 --> 00:52:48,100
We all want to be dignified.

816
00:52:48,100 --> 00:52:53,620
We all want to be respected and loved and to, to be loved and to love.

817
00:52:53,620 --> 00:52:54,620
Oh, then.

818
00:52:54,620 --> 00:52:57,740
Now, what a difference this, this world would be.

819
00:52:57,740 --> 00:52:58,740
I know.

820
00:52:58,740 --> 00:53:03,780
I know, but even just again, as one person, if you can go out and be that person, that, it

821
00:53:03,780 --> 00:53:05,380
does have a huge impact.

822
00:53:05,380 --> 00:53:08,780
And I think you, you might not even know it or see it, but it absolutely does.

823
00:53:08,780 --> 00:53:09,780
Yeah.

824
00:53:09,780 --> 00:53:12,940
So if there's somebody out there that is listening right now and they want to be like

825
00:53:12,940 --> 00:53:15,980
Brandy.

826
00:53:15,980 --> 00:53:17,700
And they're in a different state.

827
00:53:17,700 --> 00:53:20,540
And there's nothing going on.

828
00:53:20,540 --> 00:53:23,340
How would they contact you?

829
00:53:23,340 --> 00:53:32,180
And what, what kind of advice would you give them, you know, to begin that movement in their

830
00:53:32,180 --> 00:53:33,580
particular area?

831
00:53:33,580 --> 00:53:34,580
Yeah.

832
00:53:34,580 --> 00:53:39,180
I mean, first I would say check out the stage national websites, right?

833
00:53:39,180 --> 00:53:43,700
Because they're going to give a lot of good information around, um, what's the, what's the

834
00:53:43,700 --> 00:53:44,700
email?

835
00:53:44,700 --> 00:53:45,700
What's the website address?

836
00:53:45,700 --> 00:53:50,900
Because it's sage.com or, uh, there's a software company that's also sage.

837
00:53:50,900 --> 00:53:51,980
So that's a bit confusing.

838
00:53:51,980 --> 00:53:56,540
So if they put an LGBT plus older adult sage, it'll pop up.

839
00:53:56,540 --> 00:53:57,540
Okay.

840
00:53:57,540 --> 00:54:02,100
But that's a great, like nationwide, um, kind of umbrella to find.

841
00:54:02,100 --> 00:54:05,260
You can put in your state and see, hey, is there anything in Wisconsin?

842
00:54:05,260 --> 00:54:07,220
Like, is there anybody doing this work?

843
00:54:07,220 --> 00:54:08,420
And how can I support it?

844
00:54:08,420 --> 00:54:10,300
That would be my, my first step, right?

845
00:54:10,300 --> 00:54:14,580
Because you don't mean to re and heal the wheel if it's already happening.

846
00:54:14,580 --> 00:54:19,660
Get involved and volunteer if these organizations do exist in your area.

847
00:54:19,660 --> 00:54:24,620
And if they don't, I mean, I think so much again, what we see as a strength within the

848
00:54:24,620 --> 00:54:29,980
LGBT plus population is that informal networking and organizing, right?

849
00:54:29,980 --> 00:54:35,340
So maybe there already is a coffee meetup for older adult in your area, but maybe just don't

850
00:54:35,340 --> 00:54:36,820
quite know about it, right?

851
00:54:36,820 --> 00:54:42,580
So I would say as much as people can within their communities, try to find out what's happening

852
00:54:42,580 --> 00:54:47,060
and, and where, um, folks are congregating and, and what's going on.

853
00:54:47,060 --> 00:54:49,020
But people can always reach out to me too.

854
00:54:49,020 --> 00:54:51,380
So my email is probably easiest.

855
00:54:51,380 --> 00:55:01,300
It's brandy, b-r-a-n-d-y-p, and then purple at f-h-p-d-x.org.

856
00:55:01,300 --> 00:55:03,100
So brandyp@fhpdx.org.

857
00:55:03,100 --> 00:55:07,460
And the fh stands for friendly house.

858
00:55:07,460 --> 00:55:08,460
Right.

859
00:55:08,460 --> 00:55:09,460
Yep, exactly.

860
00:55:09,460 --> 00:55:10,460
Okay.

861
00:55:10,460 --> 00:55:14,340
Also, if people check out our, um, friendly house website or elder pride services website,

862
00:55:14,340 --> 00:55:17,060
they're able to connect through that as well.

863
00:55:17,060 --> 00:55:21,180
So, um, I just, you know, again, it doesn't take that many people.

864
00:55:21,180 --> 00:55:25,980
It's not rocket science and it just takes folks organizing and saying, hey, we're going to

865
00:55:25,980 --> 00:55:29,660
have a coffee meetup on Thursdays at this little place downtown.

866
00:55:29,660 --> 00:55:33,740
Let's put something on social media or let's put up some flyers, you know, in the library

867
00:55:33,740 --> 00:55:35,380
or whatever it is.

868
00:55:35,380 --> 00:55:36,380
And that's it.

869
00:55:36,380 --> 00:55:37,780
It doesn't have to be huge.

870
00:55:37,780 --> 00:55:41,340
It just really is about bringing people together in community for support.

871
00:55:41,340 --> 00:55:42,820
Yeah.

872
00:55:42,820 --> 00:55:45,580
And let's go out there and let's change the world.

873
00:55:45,580 --> 00:55:46,580
Every day.

874
00:55:46,580 --> 00:55:47,580
And being at a time.

875
00:55:47,580 --> 00:55:48,580
That's right.

876
00:55:48,580 --> 00:55:49,580
Well, so we hear, right?

877
00:55:49,580 --> 00:55:50,580
Yeah.

878
00:55:50,580 --> 00:55:51,580
You know, things better.

879
00:55:51,580 --> 00:55:52,580
Yeah.

880
00:55:52,580 --> 00:55:53,580
Yeah.

881
00:55:53,580 --> 00:55:57,820
Is there any imparting words that you want to, um, leave with us?

882
00:55:57,820 --> 00:55:58,820
Yeah.

883
00:55:58,820 --> 00:56:04,980
I think just again, focusing on that curiosity and compassion, you know, if you have, uh,

884
00:56:04,980 --> 00:56:09,500
folks in your life who are part of the queer community, take an interest in their lives,

885
00:56:09,500 --> 00:56:10,500
right?

886
00:56:10,500 --> 00:56:11,500
Find out how to be an ally.

887
00:56:11,500 --> 00:56:16,180
If you yourself are in the LGBTQ+ community, you know, you're not alone.

888
00:56:16,180 --> 00:56:20,900
There's a lot of people out there who have similar experiences and are facing some of

889
00:56:20,900 --> 00:56:22,220
the same struggles.

890
00:56:22,220 --> 00:56:28,300
So I just encourage people so much to not be isolated and to really reach out even when

891
00:56:28,300 --> 00:56:32,420
it's hard to be connected because people don't have to be aging and isolation.

892
00:56:32,420 --> 00:56:33,420
Yeah.

893
00:56:33,420 --> 00:56:36,540
Brandy's, thank you so much for being on aging today.

894
00:56:36,540 --> 00:56:40,740
We really, really appreciated the message that you brought.

895
00:56:40,740 --> 00:56:48,220
And we hope that our listeners out there will be moved to be activist in a good way to make

896
00:56:48,220 --> 00:56:51,060
the changes in their community.

897
00:56:51,060 --> 00:56:54,020
And it begins with you as an individual as a person.

898
00:56:54,020 --> 00:56:55,020
Absolutely.

899
00:56:55,020 --> 00:57:00,660
Start there and begin to look at, change the way you look at things that things you look

900
00:57:00,660 --> 00:57:07,300
at will change and begin to look at the LGBT community as people.

901
00:57:07,300 --> 00:57:09,620
They're human beings.

902
00:57:09,620 --> 00:57:11,220
Just like you and me.

903
00:57:11,220 --> 00:57:14,420
So just be kind to one another.

904
00:57:14,420 --> 00:57:15,580
Oh my goodness.

905
00:57:15,580 --> 00:57:19,860
That is so easy but yet so hard.

906
00:57:19,860 --> 00:57:20,860
It is.

907
00:57:20,860 --> 00:57:21,860
It is.

908
00:57:21,860 --> 00:57:24,180
You know, I also put yourself in someone else's shoes.

909
00:57:24,180 --> 00:57:25,180
Right?

910
00:57:25,180 --> 00:57:26,180
How do you want to be treated?

911
00:57:26,180 --> 00:57:27,180
How do you want to be seen?

912
00:57:27,180 --> 00:57:29,420
And all of us want that dignity and that respect.

913
00:57:29,420 --> 00:57:30,820
So that's what we give to others.

914
00:57:30,820 --> 00:57:31,820
Yeah.

915
00:57:31,820 --> 00:57:32,820
Gosh, well, thank you, Mark.

916
00:57:32,820 --> 00:57:33,820
It's been a real pleasure.

917
00:57:33,820 --> 00:57:34,820
Yeah.

918
00:57:34,820 --> 00:57:38,340
It has been a huge pleasure of mine and I want to say thank you.

919
00:57:38,340 --> 00:57:44,220
And I hope that we continue to cross paths and if there's anything that we can do to make

920
00:57:44,220 --> 00:57:48,660
an impact on the community here in Portland, please reach out to me.

921
00:57:48,660 --> 00:57:55,660
And I do have a gentleman that I that I do want you to find some solutions for.

922
00:57:55,660 --> 00:58:04,020
Bob is a great man and he deserves to finish his life out just like anybody else with dignity

923
00:58:04,020 --> 00:58:05,020
and respect.

924
00:58:05,020 --> 00:58:06,020
Yeah.

925
00:58:06,020 --> 00:58:07,020
100%.

926
00:58:07,020 --> 00:58:08,020
Yeah.

927
00:58:08,020 --> 00:58:10,460
And I do some resources out in his area.

928
00:58:10,460 --> 00:58:11,460
Okay.

929
00:58:11,460 --> 00:58:12,460
Sounds good.

930
00:58:12,460 --> 00:58:13,460
Yeah.

931
00:58:13,460 --> 00:58:16,540
And this is Mark Turnbull of your host and I want to thank all of you for tuning into aging

932
00:58:16,540 --> 00:58:17,540
today.

933
00:58:17,540 --> 00:58:24,100
We are the podcast where together we're exploring the many options to aging on your terms.

934
00:58:24,100 --> 00:58:31,420
Join us every Monday when we release a new podcast, a new conversation to aging today

935
00:58:31,420 --> 00:58:33,260
and remember this.

936
00:58:33,260 --> 00:58:35,700
We're all in the process of aging.

937
00:58:35,700 --> 00:58:39,340
And as we age, we really are better together.

938
00:58:39,340 --> 00:58:40,660
So stay young at heart.

939
00:58:40,660 --> 00:58:45,740
You make me feel so young.

940
00:58:45,740 --> 00:58:53,420
You make me feel like spring is spring and every time I see your face, I'm such a happy

941
00:58:53,420 --> 00:58:58,180
individual, the moment that you speak.

942
00:58:58,180 --> 00:59:01,260
I want to go play hide and see.

943
00:59:01,260 --> 00:59:09,940
I want to go and bounce the moon just like a toy balloon, well, you and I.

944
00:59:09,940 --> 00:59:16,660
I'll just like a bullet, running across the metal.

945
00:59:16,660 --> 00:59:23,260
They can have lots of, forget me night so you made me feel so young.

946
00:59:23,260 --> 00:59:28,580
You made me feel there are songs to be sung, there will still be wrong and wonderful thing

947
00:59:28,580 --> 00:59:30,300
to be fun.

948
00:59:30,300 --> 00:59:33,220
And when I'm old and grey.

949
00:59:33,220 --> 00:59:38,620
You've been listening to aging today where together we explore the options to aging on

950
00:59:38,620 --> 00:59:39,860
your terms.

951
00:59:39,860 --> 00:59:45,620
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your

952
00:59:45,620 --> 00:59:51,580
terms, connecting you to the professional advice of his special guests with the goal of creating

953
00:59:51,580 --> 00:59:54,460
better days throughout the aging process.

954
00:59:54,460 --> 00:59:56,900
Your host has been Mark Turnbull.

955
00:59:56,900 --> 01:00:02,340
Join Mark and his guest every week on aging today, your podcast to exploring your options

956
01:00:02,340 --> 01:00:04,300
for aging on your terms.

957
01:00:04,300 --> 01:00:11,300
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your terms

958
01:00:11,300 --> 01:00:12,300
to be fun.

959
01:00:12,300 --> 01:00:22,300
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your terms

960
01:00:22,300 --> 01:00:23,300
to be fun.

961
01:00:23,300 --> 01:00:31,300
Join Mark and his guest next week for another lively discussion on proactively aging on your terms

962
01:00:31,300 --> 01:00:32,300
to be fun.

963
01:00:32,300 --> 01:00:34,300
(music)